The eyeball, glazed over, shifted toward me. Even though he was blind, he seemed to be looking right at me. Holding the gaze for what seemed like an eternity, as my eyes met his my heart seemed to beat as swiftly as the wings of a humming bird. I let the trap door down, stopping his heart with the grisly rope around his neck. This was the first time I ever felt sympathy for those animals those inhumane beasts, but as soon as the rope tightened these feelings seemed to die along with him.
"Let this be a lesson to you all, never even attempt what this man did or you will suffer the same fate", I said over the thousands of prisoners before me. All their eyes focused on me, I could see them moving yet those things before me were not human. Scared to death to make even the slightest noise, I didn't have to raise my voice for it to reach all their ears.
My commanding officer dismissed them as rain began to fall down on our camp; I watched the clouds collide in the sky and listened to the thunder ring in my ears. Trudging back to my barracks I arrive last and quietly sneak into bed, I close my eyes but I can't sleep. I knew the look in that man's eyes would haunt me forever; I couldn't take much more of it.
I woke up to a start the next day; a fellow soldier had shaken me awake. I slowly sat up, donned my uniform and was off. Today my job was to oversee the construction of two new gas chambers. However the prisoners were told that they were building a new cafeteria for the soldiers. They worked very hard not out of...
Creative take on a classic.
Overall the story is well written, and you did a good job at emulating Poe's style of narrative. The story is creative yet it stays true to the Tell Tale Heart. There are a few spelling/grammar errors such as "to" instead of "too" in the last paragraph, but no biggie. You nicely built up the suspense.
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