Abandonment. It comes in so many different forms. A child being abandoned by a parent, a wife being abandoned by her husband. But what about the worst kind, a kind of emotional abandonment. The kind where they are still there, physically, but not emotionally. You can't feel or sense the love coming from this individual.
I have a father, but not a dad. I see his every second weekend as per custody agreement. We see each other, and make small talk, just brush the top of the important issues. You know the old how's school going? How are your grades? How is work? This man, this so "dad" of mine, is so emotionally detached from everything so that even when I go to hug him its like hugging an iceberg; cold and stiff. Now don't get me wrong he does love me, at least that's what my mom tells me, "he has a problem showing it" she says.
And I do love him. I mean every girl has to love her father?
Dad has recently started a new family. Now he claims that this is difficult for him because he is getting older. But what about how difficult it is on me, did he ever think about that? He told me that him and step mom were having a second child, I didn't take the news very well. I told him that he is sinking farther and farther away into his new family and forgetting about his old family. He called me spoiled.
The step mom doesn't help matters much, she plans vacations with half brother and sister and father, but not daughter. "We're going on a family vacation", says dad. "Awesome, where are we going"?, replies Carly excitedly. "Oh, well its just me, step mom, half brother and half sister going". Father, still after this, tries to claim he isn't blocking out his old family and only making room for the new. He claims to be trying to find time to satisfy the needs on both end. Well, dad, needs not satisfied over here.
This type of abandonment can be hard on a child. Not feeling love from one of the sources they should be feeling it the most strongly. I have learned to cope with it. I now know what to expect whenever I go down to visit, uncomfortable conversations, annoying step mom, and two "new" children. It used to feel like he traded his old family in for a newer model, like what people do with old cars and c.d. players, but now I've learned that he hasn't traded us in, he's just put us on the back burner for a while. Until, of course he has time to "satisfy needs on both ends".