With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious
mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid
becoming a "statistic," try to internalise 10 insights.
1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after
you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden
rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now,
don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually
can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when
it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene,
communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with
these as they are now.
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on
character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it
burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love often means,
"I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked ou t
this person's character?
Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is
more important than personal comfort?
Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to?
Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says?
What s/he's going to do?
Does this person like himself?
Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?
d. Ask yourself:
Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child
with this person?
Would I like my child to turn out like...