The Art Of Arguing (Classification And Division)

Essay by PaperNerd ContributorCollege, Undergraduate November 2001

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After a long day at work what do most people want to come home to? A clean house, a hot meal, and a happy spouse are what I envision. The first two requests are physical, the third, however, is emotional- and not so easy to please. Cooking and cleaning are tasks anyone can achieve. Keeping a loved one happy"¦ that is risky business. An argument could arise out of next to nothing. But before you respond to your irate spouse, you must analyze what sort of argument has begun. There are three primary kinds of arguments in a relationship: bitching, debating, and misdirected aggression. If you can decipher between the three, you are much more likely to leave the dispute with your head still intact. If not, it is probable that your companion will bite your head off like a salivating beast at mealtime.

We start with bitching. This is what women are so unfairly known for.

Little do men know, but it can be prevented. This method of arguing is surprisingly not even an "argument"� by definition. Bitching is making a definite, probably factual, statement that is not up for discussion. The person making this blatant statement is simply looking for a wall to throw their verbal aggression at. This complaint is characterized by rapid jaw flapping ranging up to audio levels of 500 decibels. This is approaching the language of dolphins! This technique is used to efficiently spit out large amounts of information without time for interruption or rebuttal. Body language plays an important role as well. Hands will be planted firmly on hips, eyes slanted, and it is possible that their head is shifting from side to side as if loosely hinged. If you are on the receiving end of this, you best bet is to...