We haven't written each other emails for quite a while, I know... but I remembered how well we used to get along in the period when we would communicate in this manner and I thought it wouldn't hurt to resume our correspondence. Maybe it might bring us closer again. Plus that I feel that putting one's thoughts on paper- even on virtual stationery- always has a sort of purifying effect.
After the trip this weekend I was left with a bitter-sweet taste, I'm not sure which of these sensations is dominant. I find it hard to understand some things. On one hand I am content that at least you finally tried to be completely honest and I got a straight answer from you: you do not love me, you never have, because you can't find within yourself resources for such a "noble" feeling, as you called it.
On the other hand, I am disappointed by one thing- until now several times you have told me that you loved me, although you had suspected that it wasn't true. I was aware all the time of the fact that you couldn't love me, but the excuse I had found was that you might not know what love really represents. I was hoping that you at least earnestly believed you loved me. Yet, you did know that what you are feeling for me is something different, and you preferred the comfortable way out of the three magic words. Now let me draw a sketch of what I believe about feelings.
To care about someone is a involuntary gesture, which precedes love. First you like a person; if you discover that you like him/her a lot, you start to get attached, "caring about" him/her. What I have described here is typical...