The Waiting room was cold and unfriendly and as the clock ticked away moments of her life she sat nervously. Her inky eyes looked petrified and alone and every time she took her eyes off the clock she thought the other people were starting and judging her.
Was she something to gawp at? Could they guess? She was sick with fear and her hands seemed liquid.
It had been late. Too late and there had been no protection.
The calming breeze swished through her smooth chestnut brown hair.
Her silky, tanned skin glistened in the harsh light of the sun. She was young, attractiveâ¦normal. She looked innocent yet she knew that she wasn't.
The girl loathed the doctors. The room was full of people gossiping to each other about what was happening with their neighbours. Think was impossible with all the screaming toddlers. All she wished for was to be back in her room where she was secure, and shut away from the world.
Deutsch: Filzhut
A selection of 4 different felt cloths.
Pregnancy in the 26th week.She disliked the pea green colour of the walls; it reminded her of the room her Grandma died in a couple of years ago. She did not know why, but somehow the smell of disinfectant helped soothe her feelings. Why was she sitting there? She should have been out with her friends talking about boys, and sharing their new fashion tips, after all, she was only fifteen.
"Laura Dewar to room three please." The voice of the old lady made a chill go through her spine. Slowly she stood up, and walked towards the room. For a slight second she thought she was going to pass out but she took one step at a time eventually reaching the door. She went in and sat as he glared.
"You're pregnant," the doctor said.
Laura sat there with no reaction, just looked at him as if he was stupid. Maybe she never heard. The doctor looked deep into her eyes and asked if she understood what was being said. She looked away, still no reaction. Suddenly, the walls seemed to close into her, and the smell surrounding her seemed evil. She got a sharp knife like pain in her chest and tears began to spill out like a fountain of water. What went wrong? She only did it once. Brian's words haunted her, "You can't get pregnant the first time!" "You have decisions to make. None are easy," the doctor tried to explain.
As she opened the door of her house she got a warm feeling run past her and the smell of safety. She sniffled, trying to keep the tears locked up but the puffy eyes gave it all away.
Mid - Decemberr and her mother had the heating on full blast. It was a good sense; it made her feel guarded. Laura hung her jacket up and slipped on her scruffy rabbit slippers. They were cosy but were starting to wear away at the soles. Her mother called her through to the kitchen. She sniffled again and wiped away the last tear on the end of her nose.
She adored her mothers cooking. The pans were bubbling and the kitchen windows were steamed up. Lashes of condensation were trickling down the lemon coloured tiles beside the cooker. She giggled a bit. She thought it was funny how her mother rushed about like a wild chicken making sure that everything was under control. She began to feel light headed from all the heat and said that she did not feel well then rushed upstairs to the bathroom and threw up. She rinsed out her mouth then went to her room.
She buried herself in her chunky duvet. The tears were flowing out and she could not control them. She did not know what to do. Her duvet was soaked with tears but she still lay there with her face on the dampness. Earlier on she did not know what she was crying for but now reality was here. What was she going to do? She lay crying her heart out in the silence of space. When her mother came to see what the racket was, Laura lied about having a stomach ache so her mother gave her a hot water bottle and left her to sleep. She hated lying to her mother.
Having had enough of her mothers unintentional poking around she left to find out her destiny⦠She looked around and thought of the good memories she had within the room. All she wanted was for Brian to put his arms around her and squeeze her gently so she could feel safe for a while. He looked up and grinned at her. She was just about to say hello but there was a hard lump in her throat stopping her from being able to speak. The lump rose from her throat up to her eyes, and turned into tears.
"I'm pregnant!" she blurted out.
They both sat in silence. All her emotions flooded out. Brian did not know how to react; he put his arm around her trying to calm her down. He could not and did not want to understand what was being said. At first he did not believe her and kept asking her over and over again if she was sure. He thought it was a trap so that he would never leave her. He was more worried about what it would do to his reputation and he could not imagine himself looking after a baby at eighteen-years-old, while his friends were out living life to the fullest. He'd be stuck at home caring after a whining baby, having to look out for its every need. He was scared as well, but kept on reassuring her that he would stick by her side no matter what choice she made. Even though he said this, he also made it quite clear that he thought they were too young to have a baby.
She had to get some air and left the flat and he said he would call her later on that night. The icy wind blew dangerously into her face. It was frosty and her fingers were numb. She wandered around the isolated streets trying to figure out what Brian was saying to her. Having a baby should be a joyful time, one of the best in your life, but instead she felt depressed and hated Brian for putting her through this misery. It was easy for him to say that he was going to be there for her but she was the one who was suffering and it all seemed like a game to him. The stories of other single-mothers, stories of pain, ran through her head. Laura hoped that it wasn't as bad as it seemed yet she knew she was only kidding herself.
Why did he have to put her through all this pain, she felt isolated and alone with an unwelcome child growing inside her. She waited and he did not phone. She did not go to him because she knew it would be pointless. He would not want her anymore because she was trouble now and baggage of the worst kind. She was used and damaged goods and no one would want to be with her now.
Her mother kept looking at her oddly and it felt like she could see in to Laura's soul, but did not want to know either. So Laura prayed for the baby to die, she promised God everything, even that she would be a good girl forever, promise she has made before and failed to keep.
She fell asleep uneasily, thoughts still running through ahead. She didn't know why she felt resentment towards Brian; she should have felt it towards herself and her foolish ways. She still felt anger towards the baby yet she didn't know how. Her own flesh and blood was cutting through, destroying her life before it had already come into the world.
In the morning her mother, who had heard her troubled thoughts, did not look up then she came in and said, "Are you pregnant?" "No," Laura said as she tried to get angry. "Do you think that I would be that stupid?"
English: Pregnant woman at a WIC clinic in Virgini...
Linea nigra dark midline streak on a 22 weeks preg...
alte Wärmflasche (ca. 1930), hot water bottle