Big Brother! Day 1 - Sadeck admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Alicia. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Maeve is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although James later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sits down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Julian creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Emma Pulman hits him with a Spoon.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by
4 - Training for the
Emma Pulman is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the
6 - Julian gets pecked on the arm by one of the
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Sadeck goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Emma Pulman and Alicia are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Sadeck.
9 - Emma Pulman and Alicia are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Maeve sings them a song - Wait and Bleed by Slipknot - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Alicia out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Alicia leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Alicia's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Maeve has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Emma Pulman is visibly depressed and is comforted by Julian, who tries to touch her on her Breasts.
12 - The
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that James refuses to run because his Penis hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. James finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Emma Pulman calls James a lazy Penis.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Sadeck tells everyone individually that he thinks Emma Pulman is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Emma Pulman and Julian are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Sadeck.
16 - The nominations are announced. Emma Pulman can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Julian is equally stunned and turns to Emma Pulman for comfort. James is distraught and confesses to Maeve that he thinks he is in love with Julian. Maeve says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know.
17 - The public vote Julian out of the house. Emma Pulman says she is gutted and even gives Julian a clipping of hair from her Breasts to prove how much she cares. James is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Julian leaves.
18 - The
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bangladesh sounds like but James says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Sadeck as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Sadeck successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bangladesh but also God Save the Queen, Wait and Bleed by Slipknot and the theme tune to Smallville. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Sadeck tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. James and Maeve are nominated.
23 - James and Maeve take their nominations well and sit down with Sadeck and Emma Pulman to discuss why they voted for them. Sadeck keeps quiet but Emma Pulman accuses James of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Penis before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Maeve out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Maeve leaves.
25 - Sadeck becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the
27 - Completely out of the blue, James breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Dog incident from his childhood. Emma Pulman tries to persuade him to stay but Sadeck sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. James decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Dog dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Emma Pulman from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Sadeck asks Emma Pulman to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Sadeck nominates Emma Pulman to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Emma Pulman.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Emma Pulman graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Sadeck is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the