The Big One

Essay by SheathedCollege, UndergraduateA+, May 2006

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My name is Phillip Hamilton, and I am the owner of the Manahananahiwafalu Restaurant! It is one of the grandest restaurants in all of California, and tonight, April 17th, is the biggest night of the year for the Manahananahiwafalu. The fifth annual Ball of Maria will take place tonight, and it will be of spectacular caliber! Last year's ball nearly had to be cancelled due to a fire, the chandelier in the ballroom falling, and an ape running through the dining room. I am determined to avoid every possible disaster and have this year's ball executed flawlessly! The fifth annual Ball of Maria at the Manahananahiwafalu Restaurant in San Diego, California, will stun the world. The patrons attending the event will be of the highest class from around the world, my fine staff of cooks, headed by my childhood friend, Chef Bobby Brunno, will cook some of the most exquisite cuisine, and the annual ballroom dance competition will be dazzling.

Since its birth five years ago, many high class patrons have attended the ball. I expected this year to be no different; I will hold conversations with Governor Schwarzenegger and Sean Connery, while sipping wine with Jessica Alba and Jennifer Love Hewwit. Perhaps Mariah Carey and Faith Hill will perform before dinner, and take part in the competition afterwards. When I opened the doors, however, I gasped and looked on in horror. Hundreds of badly dressed teenagers stormed the restaurant! Instead of conversations with the Governor and Mr. Connery, I was swarmed with questions from the unwanted crowd. "Where's the bar?" "Do you allow underage drinking, if the price is right?" "Is there a condom machine in the bathroom?" To make the situation worse, Jessica and Jennifer were no where to be seen! Instead, dozens of young girls clung...