The Boss

This is an exemplary contemporary prose, but too short for the making.


I like the descriptions such as "The overall body colour blended exceptionally well with the gloomy surrounding" and "The figure stopped. He kneeled down, paying respect to his superior."


This reflects reality in life a few decades ago. The rich who wore "tuxedos" had were superior as seen from the kneeling of his supposed hitman.


The prose also reflects that life back then was sometimes taken for granted. It also reflects that the law was unjustified.


We also speculate what happened eventually. Was the gunshot from the man being chased? If it was, would the man in tuxedo die? The use of techniques, which Roald Dahl uses as well, reflects that this writer has great potential.

I feel that the author of this essay was trying entirely too hard to write like someone else. His or her essay was too wordy, the premise was very basic. I wish I knew the grade level on this peice because I may not be so harsh if this were a sixth grade peice, but high school or college level... oh no..

I wouldve liked to see more action in this essay and more length...

Not too shabby. A well written prose. Could be longer.

really good, made me think of my ways.

very well written and structured. i like the suspense. story a bit too short though.

"Obviously, the man was there for an unusual purpose."

this line is excessive, and generally speaking the essay is too wordy, try thinking of a narrative from a noir film, better match. also "dang" isnt really very discriptive of a old clock tower bell, nor is it a word thought of as a sound. not the way say dong or ding are.

but anyhow, with a slightly more mainstream style, the piece could be short and sweet, after all there's little else to say.

I actually liked it... and the twist at the end when the follower was shot by the boss... that was cool! You've done a good job and I can't wait to read some of your other essays.

What is it about?

Nicely written and very descriptive. I would hesitate to use so many \"show them\" type of sentances however.


\"Obviously, the man was there for an unusual purpose.\"


It is 2am, a reader can already assume that the man\'s presence is not for legitimate activity. Perhaps revising this sentance to something like....\"Dang! Dang!

The hour of two clanged through the darkness, falling onto the empty streets below where the man stood, waiting.\"


This (IMHO) adds to the gloom and anticipatory feeling that you\'ve already set up and at the same time gives the reader a reference point of time and activity to come without being obvious in the telling.

nice story. good ending. Only problems i found were pointed out by wet.

hey i like it.. very left open to your own imagination

This is too short, more action and add a bit more tension needed however its quite good.