Pauline's Bad Hair Day Hair Today Gone Tomorrow Starring: Pauline Hanson as Herself David O'Neil as Himself Dame Edna as Herself/Himself Elmo as Himself Mr. T as Himself Yothu Yindi as Himself Didgeridoo Boy as Himself Nadioc Marching People as themselves Paul Hogan as Billie Bob Script Scene 1 It was a Bright Sunny Day in the City of Sydney. Everything was perfect until a Politician awoke from her slumber.
Pauline: OH what a beautiful morning oh what a beautiful day (Opens pantry door and David O'Neil hands her a Tea not black Tea but white tea.) Gee wiz it's a great day where's the paper. (She walks over to the window and David is cleaning the windows while sitting on a forklift. He hands her the paper. She looks at the paper and notice's something that disturbs her deeply.) Oh my god what is this a, Naaaadddddioc March how could this be? I don't like it.
David, please explain.
(David is in an apron cleaning the Dishes. He puts down the dishes and starts to explain...) David: Well you see once a year they have this March and...
Pauline: I know that but i thought i destroyed Christina Anu so she can't do the entertainment at the ceremony.
David: I know but they found someone else.
Pauline: Who. Tell me you pitiful slave.
David: Yothu Yindi Pauline: Why, oh why such a terrible thing must happen on such a Beautiful day.
David: You know what you must do.
Pauline: To the Fish Mobile.
(You see the both of them running down a white Hallway with their capes flickering in the air. She jumps in the car and tells David....) Pauline: Sorry David you'll have to walk.
(She drives off like a flash of lightning. David hopes on to a scooter and starts to push his way along.) Scene 2 We find our villain at Billy Bobs Gun Shop. I wonder what she's doing? Billie Bob: What can i do for you miss.
Pauline I would like a really big gun.
Billie Bob: What, Like this...(He pulls down his pants and swings it around) What do ya think? Pauline: No nothing like that today i would like a sniper gun.
Billie Bob: Good choice. Nice day for killing some poor bugger. The Sniper comes in lots of colours; there's Aqua, Purple, Black, White and Jasmine that's my fav.
Pauline: I'll just take the white.
Billie Bob: Ok. Here ya go, today's special is you pay me $100 000 and I'll throw in an Autograph of Paul Hogan.
Pauline: Ok here's the money.
Billie Bob: Bye mate. (He looks down and notices the autograph is still there. Hey you forgot to take your Autograph.
(A wall hanging of a Crocodile's head starts to speak.) Croc: Face it mate no one cares.
Scene 3 Once again we find our villain at a different destination (Whiteys Fish Bar) talking to an Old Friend.
Dame Edna: Darling it's in fashion these's days. (Pauline is wearing the biggest red Afro wig you have ever seen.) And also if you want to be loved you have to change what your wearing it's so 80's. The 60's clothes will suit you darling.
(Pauline goes to the toilet and comes out with 60's clothes on and the biggest pair of shoes with dead gold fish inside, I think there suppose to be alive.) Pauline: I don't like it.
Dame Edna: It's you darling all over i love it.
Pauline: I have to go.
(She walks out of the shop and while she is walking down the street Bee Gee's music comes out of nowhere and she has a paint tin in her hand and a cigarette in the other.) Scene 4 Pauline has finally found her destination. She sets up her equipment on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Yothu Yindi: I am very pleased to be here, but i would like to comment on the death of Christina Anu I feel great morn on her poor soul. Any way I would like to play the hit song treaty to start of the March.
(He starts singing. Pauline sets up her target. But she doesn't realize that Didgeridoo Boy has spotted her.) Didgeridoo Boy: dsujfivklsaun sadfjase vjnklerv vklwjertnvasdfkl shit.
(He shots a poison dart but a fish falls out of Pauline's pocket she bends over and the dart hits a spectator but he is not an ordinary spectator it's........) Elmo: Ouch that tickles ha ha ha ha ha ha that tickles.
(Elmo goes plunging into the Harbour. Oh no the bobby pins that were holding Pauline's wig up fall on to the ground. A big rumble fills the Bridge the wig falls off and squash's the March.) Pauline: Yes victory is mine ha ha ha.
(David scoot's over on his scooter and says......) David: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in traffic.
(They danced around, but wait whose this coming down out of the sky in a Flying Machine it's it's it's) Mr. T: I'm gonna kick your ass fool.
(Pauline looking very shocked says.......) Pauline: You'll have to get through David to get me.
David: UMMMM I just remembered i have to be somewhere else, bye.
(He dives into the river and swims away.) Is all lost for Pauline Pantsdown or is luck on her side of the river.
Scene 5 Mr. T: Your going down fool.
(Mr. T uses his Jedi mind trick to Make Pauline do some pretty weird stuff like the Macarena.) Pauline: Stop it don't make me do such a dance that was sung by some immigrants.
(Everyone stars laughing at Pauline. She is losing her evil powers her weakness has been broken.) Pauline: I'm melting help me I'm melting.
Mr. T: No way fool.
Pauline: I don't like it. (Pauline is now dead and all the elves are out to spread the word with Mr. T.) Everyone: (Mr. T is skipping along with the elves along the yellow brick road.) Ding-Dong the witch is dead which old witch the wicked old witch ha ha ha ha ha.
Well Mr. T has saved the day and i know Sydney is going to partying all night and all day.
Well that's all folk's the end.