I am getting divorced. After eighteen years of marriage I simply can not pick up, wash off, smooth out, and roll up that damn tube of toothpaste one more time. I will not tolerate this lack of respect, one more day.
I like my toothpaste straight, and my sink clean. I like my toothpaste to remain in its shape, so I squeeze from the bottom up. My ex-husband never did care about the shape of our toothpaste, as long as it comes out, and usually all over the sink. Every morning and night, he would get the toothpaste all bent out of shape, and messed up. Every morning and night, I would try to straighten it back out.
My philosophy is to take time, each time you brush, pushing the paste up from the bottom, rolling as you go, giving yourself the satisfaction that you have used every ounce of paste, and you've done it in a neat and orderly way.
His philosophy was to just keep squeezing the tube of toothpaste from the middle until you have squished it into oblivion, and you just can not squeeze any more, and it looks like a wrinkled, beaten, almost empty shell of a thing, that just can not take any more abuse.
It never mattered how hard I begged, pleaded, or fought, I never could convert him. I never could show him the light, but it is obvious to me, that a straight and rolled tube of toothpaste tends to stay clean; whereas trashed tubes tend to get messy.
I have even seen a trashed tube spew, if squeezed just right. Stick a fork in me folks, I'm done. I can not, will not tolerate this lack of respect, one more day.
There are some things that you...