Customary Types It became clear the instant the closet opened and bright blue and yellow shirt came into view. Rather than classify a hackneyed or predictable topic such as music or women, why not unearth a topic known only to select few, but not so obscure as to alienate those who would read it. After a quick review of the past work days and a careful classification of the behavior patterns expressed by various customers, here lies a handbook of sorts; what to expect from the average visitors of the local video store.
The objective customer will never respond to a greeting. After defeating the turnstile and successfully thwarting assistance, he or she will briskly and directly walk to the predetermined movie, snatch it up, and head back to the counter. They are taciturn, impatient, and hardly ever polite. After paying with a five-dollar bill, an objective customer will refuse a bag and leave just as quickly as he entered.
Note: The rental will rarely be brought back on time.
A weekend warlord will enter the store slowly, looking around as if in a trance. Once they get out of view, he is never seen again until the transaction is to be made. However, by this time he isn't alone. By his side are at least the following: six films, five video games, four bags of popcorn, three boxes of candy, and two liters of soda. His plan is to seal himself up from the outside world with a magical wall of luminescent entertainment until the fiendish responsibility of a job beckons to him on Monday. Paying with anything from credit cards to exact change, totals have run upwards of thirty- five dollars per visit.
Not a week passes without a countless number of brainless bandwagoneers. Marching through the doors with smug demeanor, this usually single patron will immediately go to rent the newest films on the shelf, despite quality. It makes them feel superior if they are the first to see the new garbage that Hollywood calls feature films. The voice of one of these individuals is monotone and a smile is seldom seen from their face, but a witty employee can usually draw forth a chuckle.
Regulars' behaviors differ constantly. The only thing to expect is a mindless conversation about whatever happened to them in the past week. Their speeches can last for days and unless the store is busy, fate curses the employee to listen, because it would be impolite to walk away without a reason to ignore their long stories, which usually have incredible run- on sentences that go nowhere and have no point, not mention the voices, which are too horrible for words, but that doesn't even compare to the length and worthlessness of what these fools have to talk about...
Kids aren't even customers, but they do come into the store, and they do make their presence known. First they'll run around until the entire store is in a shambles, leaving knocked over boxes and irritated people in their path. Then, the yelling starts. It seems as though children want everything they can lay their eyes upon. Before checkout, the parents are clueless as to the whereabouts of their children, but then Poof! Here comes Little Johnny with a load similar to that of the weekend warlord, only with more candy. The only choice is to buy it all, or hear the deafening cries of a spoiled rapscallion.
Some who enter never have a membership card on them, but it's on purpose. Right when an employee asks for some form of picture identification, here it comes. A policeman's badge, PhD license, firearm carrier's I'D, or some other conspicuous display. The smirk on their mug is commonplace and so is the smirk on mine. One needs to have low- self-confidence if impressing the video store guy is a highlight of their day.
Even though most of these accounts sound like hardships, working at a video store is kind of like on psychology. Regardless of the insurmountable ignorance that makes its way into the store, it is fun to know how to go about treating each type of person. In a way, it's also part of my job to make people truly go home happy.
No, not really.