A tear, a smirk, a shit-eating grin. A laugh even. Something so sinister and deep and dark. That's how it works. It tears you apart inside. Shrivels your innermost emotions. Emotions you thought no one knew about or even cared about. But people knew. They knew that your worst fear was fear. They knew that you take on more than you can handle. Not just sometimes, but all the time. They know all about you. You never told them. They just knew. It's when you start feeling sick to your stomach that you know what they have known all along. You get a nervous twitch in your eye. Your muscles tense. You become clammy. Scared, even. Maybe someone told you all of your flaws. Or maybe you just figured them out for yourself. But you don't like it. You want to change, but you can't. You are you. Your flaws are you.
No matter how hard you try, it just never works. The nervous twitch turns into insomnia. You stay up all hours of the night. Trying. Trying to figure out ways to overcome your depression and angst. Your hatred for anything that seems to be better than you. Your hatred for somehow breathing when it feels like you are doing something wrong. Depression can kill you, but it can make you stronger.