Hi, I'm Dib. I'm your ordinary high school graduate who was just smart enough to pass high school and ended up working at your corner McMeaty's, you know the type...18, with an IQ with thats the same number. I know I'm not a smart guy and I know that working at McMeaty's is probably the best job I'll ever get, so I'm happy with my life. Well except for one thing....Mr. McPhereson, the oldest man alive.
He gets off on making my life as cashier a living hell. I remember how it got started, his first time as a customer at my McMeaty's he disrespected me. He called me a good for nothing high school drop out and I called him a crotchety old man and he then became angry and since then has stopped by everyday at noon to get his "revenge". His favorite thing to do is to come in and order things we don't have on the menu.
Laughter
English: Contagious Laughter
Know Your Money - a summary of anti-counterfeiting...One time he tried to order a prune burger with a side of healthy grain and a glass of buttermilk to drink, when I told him that we didn't carry that he became enraged and demanded to speak to my manager: Mr. Thompson. So Mr. Thompson came up front and yelled at me for not agreeing with the customer and sentenced me to 3 weeks of gum duty(which is me scraping gum off the bottom of the tables). So basically me and McPhereson (the old man from hell) hate each other.
Today, however, will be a totally different story. You see, my hatred for this man has almost drove me to the point of insanity. But I will have my revenge today, today is the day of the "revolution". I've been saving up for 3 months just to get this old guy back. Now that I have enough money, I've hired a man to knock this old guy down after he gets his food and then to start laughing at him to inspire the rest of the people standing around to laugh too. Since this McPhereson is such a jerk everyone will laugh because they all hate him. So in other words, Old man McPhereson is going to be humiliated out of my life.
Well, I've been at work for a few hours now and I still haven't seen him, but my hired help is waiting in the back booth for the old man to come in. Oh, here he comes.
"Good morning Mr. McPhereson, how may I help you?" I asked.
"Hey there, good for nothing punk. I'll take a double McMeaty with cheese and a Coke" he states.
What is this?? Is he gonna be like a normal person today?? He actually ordered something on the menu it must be a trick. Maybe this plan will be a little too hard on the old man, I mean he is just a little old man and seeing this gesture of being a normal human being towards me might mean that our past is all behind us.
"Ok sir" I said with a shocked look on my face "that will be $4.78".
"Ok, how many pesos is that?" he asked.
Just then I got this pissed off look on my face and immediately removed every thought from my head that justified him as being a descent human being and replaced them with my old thoughts of ringing this man's neck.
"Sir, you know we don't take pesos" "What?? What do you mean you don't take pesos?? I worked hard all through my life to earn this money, which is far inferior to the American Dollar, and now your telling me that you will not accept this money?? I would like to speak to your manager" said the angry old man.
One thing I didn't tell you about Mr. Thompson is his ability to sense when I'm in trouble with a customer, and quickly take the customers side. It's like a sixth sense, he hears those words, "I would like to speak to your manager", and immediately zips over and sentences me to some duty that no-one else wants to do. So just like any other day, he zips over sentences me to trash duty for a month(which is me out back throwing all the trash away and stomping it down in the dumpster so that all the trash would fit). Just as I'm being sentenced the old man pulls out his American money and I signal my man waiting in the booth. The plan goes into action.
For the next few seconds the world seemed to go in slow motion. My hired help ominously walking toward the counter, the old man paying me, getting his food, turning around, and then falling like the old man he is. Just like in the plan my hired help started pointing and laughing at the old man, and soon after everyone in the restaurant was pointing and laughing too. Just then I felt an urge to get up on the counter and dance, so I did. I danced like nobody in the world has danced and stopping the dance every once in a while to point and laugh at the man. After the dance I noticed that Mr. Thompson was giving me the stare so I hopped off the counter, and next thing I know I was fired. Yeah, I was fired from the only job I was actually qualified to work at. It was worth it though, it was so worth it... MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
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Smart Guy
Only the serious know how to truly laugh