Emotion Talk in Ilokano

ABSTRACTThe purpose of this paper is to describe the ways emotions are expressed in Ilokano. It takes into account the grammatical categories emotion roots are derived and the types of clauses they are incorporated into. Through these methods, the author aims to give a general description of the concept of emotion in Ilokano.

1.0 IntroductionUnderstanding human psyche has been man’s top priority even before the birth of psychology. In an attempt to make sense of everything inside and around him, man used different tools and approaches.

Language, being an overt and accessible part of man, was not overlooked. It became a powerful tool in man’s pursuit of understanding himself and the world. Noam Chomsky (1968, p.84) even said, “...the study of language may very well… provide a remarkably favorable perspective for the study of human mental processes.” Different aspects of these mental processes had been the subject of research for a number of social scientists, from past to present.

One of these is emotion. Though a universal description of emotion is still lacking up to date, the following are the definitions compiled by the author. Emotion is“…a feeling state involving thoughts, physiological changes, and an outward expression or behavior.”(Psychology 101: Emotion, 2004)“a powerful feeling; a complex state of body and mind involving, in its bodily aspect, changes in the viscera (main internal organs) and in facial expression and posture, and in its mental aspect, heightened perception, excitement and, sometimes, disturbance of thought and judgment. The urge to action is felt and impulsive behavior may result.”(Emotion (psychology), 2008)From these definitions, the following generalizations can be made.

(1)It is observable.

As Heider (1991) states, “Emotion has both a mental, or cognitive, aspect and a sensory, physiological aspect”. This is through the ways man expresses emotions, both the linguistic and non-linguistic means. It can be a facial expression, gesture, voice pitch and volume, the flow and construction of words, the lexicon chosen, the way the sentences is constructed, etc.

(2)It is a social phenomenon.

As Harre, R. & Parrott, W.G. (1996, p.167) state, “…the stimuli for emotional reactions come from other people and emotion occurs in the company of others.” It usually springs from an event (e.g. an argument) in the life of someone. And in man’s daily interactions, perceiving and understanding these emotions correctly is a crucial and important task because “… the ability to recognize emotions in oneself and those of others leads to a greater degree of positive mental health and well-being” (Altarriba et. al. 2003).

Hence, to be able to achieve this “degree of positive mental health and well-being”, man resorts to properly perceiving the observable aspects of emotion. Emotion talk is one. As Bamberg (unknown) asserts, “Language is a means of making sense of emotions, and as such can be used as a starting point to explore the world of emotions…” Many aspects of emotion talk had been taken into consideration by researchers and students of the social sciences. A lot of them had been concentrated on the diversity of the lexicon for emotions of each culture, with the aim of comparing one from the other (like Russell 1983, Heider, and Altarriba et. al.) Others used lexicon to test if the concept of a certain emotion is the same across cultures. Others studied “the grammar of emotions”. As Malicsi (1981, p.12) states, “What makes grammar an important source of evidence for linguistic relativity and determinism is its obligatory nature – it’s categories have to be produced, its rules followed, and the individual is therefore automatically channeled into certain patterns of expression.” In studying this, people are more concerned on how people express their emotions in discourse. What type of constructions do they use? What conjectures can we raise through these constructions? These are the objectives of this study. It is bent on answering the following questions.

(1)How are emotions expressed in Ilokano?(2)What type of grammatical categories are these emotions usually derived?(3)What type of construction is used (i.e. transitive, intransitive, causative, etc.) in expressing these emotions?In this fashion, the author hopes to convey a part of the Ilokano psyche that may hopefully give a better understanding of the behavior and culture of the Ilokano people.

As a language, Ilokano is rather popular. Belonging to the Cordilleran group of the Northern Philippine subgroup of the Philippine group of the Western Malayo-Polynesian branch of the Malayo-Polynesian subfamily of the Austronesian language family, it has about 20 million speakers (including those who speak the language as a second, third, or foreign language in and outside the Philippines), according to Professor Prescila Espiritu (Agcaoili, 2008). It is the lingua franca of the Northwestern part of Luzon, namely, the provinces of Ilocos Norte, Ilocos Sur, La Union, Pangasinan, and Abra. It is also spoken in some parts of Tarlac, Nueva Ecija, Nueva Vizcaya, Isabella, Cagayan, and Benguet. It even has ‘sizeable communities’ in some parts of Mindanao, Palawan, Mindoro and the United States, making it the third largest spoken language in the Philippines, along with Cebuano and Tagalog (Rubino & Garry, 2001).

This research, however, is partial only to the “grammar of emotions”. It shall tackle emotion on a clausal level. It does not aim to list all the emotion terms in Ilokano and define each term. It simply describes the representation of emotions in a syntactic level. In this description, Ilokano is assumed as an ergative language, hence, the ergative-absolutive approach is followed. In this approach, the undergoer (or patient) of a transitive clause is treated in the same way as the single argument of an intransitive clause. The agent of a transitive clause is treated differently.

It can be illustrated through the following sentences.

(1)N-angted -ak iti regalo ken Mike.

INTR-gave -ABS OBL gift DET Mike‘I gave Mike a gift.’(2)Inn-ikan –na -k iti regalo ni Mike.

TR-gave -ERG ABS OBL gift DET Mike‘Mike gave me gifts.’The first construction, which is intransitive, used the first person singular absolutive pronoun –ak as the single core argument. The second sentence used the same pronoun as the patient. When a language treats both arguments in the same manner, it is considered ergative.

Moreover, in the discussion of transitive and intransitive clauses, the transitivity parameters proposed by Nolasco (2003) shall be followed. These parameters are enumerated in the following table.

High TransitivityLow TransitivityA.

B.

C.

D.

E.

F.

G.

H.

I.

J.

No. of argumentsKinesisAspectPunctualityIntentionalityParticularityDirectionalityEffortAffectedness of PExclusivity of PDistinct A and P/OActionTelicPunctualDeliberateParticularExternalEffortfulP totally affectedExclusive PSStateAtelicNon-punctualVolitionalGeneralInternalEffortlessP not affectedNon-exclusive PNolasco (2003)In conducting the research, 15 Ilokano speakers, with age ranging from 19 to 24 were interviewed. Each was asked to list as many emotion terms as they can. Then each was asked to narrate an instance when they felt one of these emotions. This way, the speakers can talk freely about their emotions.

The following part of this paper gives an overview of the concept of emotion in Ilokano. The next gives the analysis of the “grammar of emotions”. The last gives the conjectures taken from the said analysis.

2.0 The Concept of RiknaTwo bilingual dictionaries (Constantino, 1971 and Laconsay, 1969?) posted rikná as the nearest translation of the word emotion in Ilokano. Rikna is defined as “feeling, emotion, sense and perception”.

When asking how someone feels, the speaker would employ the words marikna or riknaen. “Ania ti mariknam?” and “Ania ri rikriknaem?” would both be translated as, “How do you feel?” However, each question has a certain answer to target. “Ania ti rikriknaem?” would most probably refer to a physiological feeling like sick, nauseated, etc. “Ania ti mariknam?” on the other hand, would be asked by someone who wants to hear answers like angry, happy, sad, frightened, etc. Hence rikna as emotion encompasses both the physiological and for lack of better word, emotional realm of the person.

Man’s perception of the emotions of people around him is also expressed by rikna. Makarikna “to be able to feel, to sense or to have a feeling of” indicates a form of sensitivity to how others feel as well, the same with mangrikna ‘to feel for’. Hence, a person with rikna should also be aware that his emotions should not solely be about him. It should also be about how sensitive and perceptive he is with how others feel. If he is managrikna “sensitive”, he can connect and interacts with others better. This, perhaps is evidence of what researchers call, the “socio-centrism” of the emotional world of non-Westerners as opposed the “ego-centrism” of the emotions of Westerners. Whereas “ego-centric” emotions are directed towards the person feeling the emotions, “socio-centric” emotions take others into consideration.

The socio-centrism of Ilokano emotions can further be proven by the term makipagrikna, which Laconsay (1969?) defines as “to sympathize”. It is actually more of “empathizing” than “sympathizing”. It is the sharing of the same feelings within a group of people. For example, during the death of a beloved, friends would tell the bereaved family, “Makipagrikna kami kanyayu.” Meaning, “We share the pain/sadness/loss you feel”. It is in the sharing of these emotions with friends that the family will be able to cope easier with the loss and accept the event that struck the family.

The lightness or heaviness of rikna is an indication of the magnitude of concerns and issues a person deal has to deal with. Nadagsen a rikna (heavy feeling) refers to a state where a person has a lot to think about (e.g. problems, unfinished tasks) and is not likely to address them anytime soon. Nalag-an a rikna (light feeling), on the other hand, tells otherwise. It indicates the relief, contentment and fulfillment a person feels when s/he is able to solve his/her problems, finish all his tasks, and is able to address all that is bothering him/her. Moreover, it refers to a zen-moment, when a person is relaxed and carefree.

2.1 Rikna and NakemIn his book, Filipino Worldview, Jocano (2001, pp.168-169) places damdamin (the Tagalog equivalent of rikná) in the Filipino concept of loob. According to him, “reasons and feelings are always merged in the kalooban.” This loob characterizes “the inner dimension of life”, which is of course directly connected to the “outer dimension”, which he called labas. This labas closely affects loob in the sense that what happens to labas creates a certain effect on loob.

Mercado (1994) mentioned the similarity of the concept of loob in two other languages, Cebuano-Visayan and Ilokano. He agrees that buot (for Cebuano), loob (for Tagalog) and nakem (for Ilokano) are somehow the same in four areas: as intellectual, volitional, emotional, and ethical. They are closely related to sarili (being a man [pagkatao]) since buot/loob/nakem pertains to the whole person as viewed from within. He disagrees, however, on Jocano’s idea of generalizing the binary opposition, loob versus labas, in all languages. No matter how closely connected Cebuano-Visayan, Tagalog, and Ilokano are to each other, suggesting uniformity in this type of cultural description is discouraged since variations are still very much present.

What, then, is nakem? Agcaoili (2007) defines it as “…consciousness. It is the seat of the moral life of an individual. It is that which determines with finality what makes an ethical conduct—it is that which distinguishes virtue from that which is not.” That is why a person that is nanakem (virtuous, ethical, responsible, and reliable) is looked up to, and everyone is encouraged to agnakem (to become nanakem).

Hence, nakem, is more than the sum of the insides of man. It is the seat of his emotions, consciousness, ethics, and values. That is why, in situations where a man experiences something hurtful, he has sakit ti nakem (inner hurt). Note that he can also say sakit ti rikna (inner hurt) to describe a hurtful experience but the mere fact of choosing sakit ti nakem expresses that it was not only his emotional self that was wronged, it was also his consciousness, morals, and values as an individual. What happened to him reduced, to a great extent, his kinatao (personhood).

Expressing emotions in terms of rikna and nakem are man’s ways of expressing his inner self. Aside from these, however, there are other methods that man can opt to use in the pursuit of self-expression.

3.0 Expressing Emotions in IlokanoTo express emotions, Heider (1999) says that there are methods employed. Theseinclude direct reference to emotions as inner experiences (I feel angry); use of bodily parts including organs (I vented my spleen); use of physiological phenomena (I tingled with fear); use of behavioral manifestations (her smile said it all); appeal to contexts, including social activities (That cocktail party!); use of extremely diverse metaphors and figures of speech (Love is like a red, red rose.)Heider 1999:178In Ilokano, the methods that will be discussed are those that are linguistic in nature. They are somatization and the use of emotion terms.

3.1 Somatized EmotionsSome emotions, in Ilokano, are ‘somatized’, meaning, ‘talked of as bodily occurrences’. One organ that is most employed is dara (blood). When talking about emotions, a person usually makes use of the hotness/coldness of blood. When a person feels repulsion towards another, Napudot ti dara (literally, “blood is hot”) is employed. This expression is a way of saying “I don’t like that person. There’s something about him that doesn’t feel good.” When the hotness is raised a notch, agburburek ti dara (literally, “blood is boiling”), a person now talks of a high level of anger and irritation.

Another is ulo (head). The hotness or coldness of the head reveals different kinds of emotions as well. When someone says, napudot ti ulok (Lit: ‘My head is hot.”), s/he means that s/he is irritated about something. That is why a person usually waits until nalamiis ti ulo (head is cold) of someone s/he wants to ask favor from (e.g. a child asking permission from his parent) lest the request will be denied.

Heaviness and lightness of the head, on the other hand, is a way of expressing physiological concerns. When someone has nalag-an nga ulo (light head), s/he is feeling well and not concerned with any sickness or ailment. Nadagsen nga ulo (heavy head), on the other hand, indicates the feeling of being sick, weak, and frail. It even implies that the person probably can not get out of the bed, all the more, get up.

What could be the reason behind the ‘psychologizing’ of organs? Helaas (p.180) states, “Organ talk does not mean that emotions are understood to belong to organs as we understand the term.” Perhaps it simply wants emotions to be thought of as “organic in nature”.

But what could be the reason for the use of the ulo (head) and the puso (heart)? This is perhaps due to belief that the two qualities that make man who he is, panunot ken rikna (mind and emotions) are situated in the head and heart respectively.

The belief of rikna (emotions) being located in a person’s puso (heart) is affirmed by the expressions natangken a puso (hard heart) and nalukneng a puso (soft heart). Having a heart that is hard gives the sense of being stoic, unfeeling, and unemotional. Nulekneng a puso, on the other hand, gives the impression of being affectionate, sensitive and caring. Hence, rikna will always be felt by someone with nalukneng a puso.

3.1 The Use of Emotion Terms in ClausesAnother way, probably the most common, is through employing emotion terms. The meanings they want to communicate now depend on the grammatical categories they are derived into and the clauses used to express them. The speaker employs a number of clause- construction methods so that s/he will be understood in the way s/he wants to.

The emotions that will be discussed are those that received the highest recognition (i.e. mentioned the most) during the interviews. They are: ragsak (happiness), buteng (fear), suron (anger), apal (envy), liday (sadness) and ayat (love). Noticeable in the list is the predominance of negative or unpleasant emotions. As Malicsi (p.31) explains, this is perhaps due to “the impression that the human being tends to perceive deviation from the norm, particularly the negative ones, more discriminatingly.” That is why negative emotions were mentioned more often than positive ones. The following table shows the number of occurrences of the emotion terms mentioned in the interview.

Table 1. Emotion TermsEmotionGlossOccurrencesPercentageRagsak‘happiness’15100%Buteng‘fear’15100%Suron‘annoyance’15100%Apal‘envy’1386.67%Liday‘sadness’1280%Ayat‘love’1280%Ladingit‘grief’1173.33%Sakit‘pain’1173.33%Gura‘hatred’1173.33%Rurod‘anger’1173.33%Pungtot‘disgust’960%Bain‘shame’960%Irita‘irritation’853.33%Luksaw‘anger’746.67%Uma‘weariness’746.67%Danag‘worry’746.67%Liwa‘happiness’533.33%Pennek‘contentment’533.33%Rag-o‘happiness’533.33%Let us start with negative emotions first. When someone feels buteng (fear), suron (anger), apal (envy), and liday (sadness) the most common expressions are:(1)Ma -buteng -ak.

ST -fear -ABS‘I am afraid.’(2)Ka -butbuteng.

ABIL -fear‘It’s terrifying.’(3)Ma-suron -ak.

ST -anger -ABS‘I am angry.’(4)Makapa-suron.

CAUS -anger‘S/he’s making me angry.’(5)Ka -sursuron.

ABIL -anger‘S/he induces anger.’(6)Um -apal -ak.

INTR -envy -ABS‘I am envious.’(7)Makapa-apal.

CAUS -envy‘S/he’s making me envious.’(8)Ma-lidliday-ak.

ST -sadness-ABS‘I feel sad.’(9)Makapa-lidayCAUS -sadness‘S/he/it is making me sad.’Sentences (1), (3), and (8) express the emotion as a state, due to the presence of the stative affix ma-. This means that the sentences are intransitive, hence, the directionality of the meaning is internal, meaning, the speaker, -ak, is the person most affected. By saying this, the speaker wants the focus to be placed on him/her as the experiencer of the emotion, not the event, not the reason, just him/her. Sentences (2) and (5), however, are different. By using the affix adjectival ka-, the speaker moves the focus from him as the experiencer to the entity causing his/her fear. The adjectivalization of the emotion root (e.g. suron and buteng) made the situation look like the perpetrator of such emotion already possessed the emotion-inducing quality, that the experiencer has no choice but to feel that emotion. By doing this, s/he is trying to ensure that s/he will not appear judgmental to whoever it is that hears the statement. Sentence (6), on the other hand, used the intransitive affix um- to describe the feeling of apal (envy). In this sense, the speaker stresses the directionality of the emotion. S/he wants to emphasize that s/he is the one most affected by the emotion, and this emotion runs deep within him. Conversely, sentences (4), (7), and (9) used the causative affix makapa-. The speaker, therefore, wants to increase the agency on the part of the perpetrator so that the blame could automatically be put on that person. It is like saying, “If s/he were not only like that, I wouldn’t feel this way. I feel this because of him/her.”Let us now move on to ragsak (happiness) and ayat (love). To express happiness, the following expressions are employed.

(10)Ma-ragsak -an -ak dita.

ST -happiness-Nom -ABS -DEM‘I feel happy.’(11)Ma-ayat -an -ak kaniana.

ST -love -Nom -ABS -OBL‘I am fond of him/her.’(12)Ka -ay-ayat ka.

ABIL -love ABS‘You’re lovable.’Sentences (10) and (11) used the stative affix ma- with the nominalizer –an. By doing this, the experience emphasizes his/her lack of control of the event or the emotion. S/he simply puts himself in the receiving end of the spectrum. Seeing as both emotions are positive, the use of the affixes on such roots just stressed the pleasantness of feeling such emotions. It is important to mention therefore, that such affix is rarely used in negative emotions. In fact, using it on suron (anger) is considered ungrammatical. Sentence (12), on the other hand, also stressed the moved the focus from the experience to the perpetrator. This way, the experiencer shows that the quality of ‘being lovable’ is inherently within the person. S/he induces the emotion effortlessly.

3.2 Emotion in DiscourseIn this section, narrative discourse on events resulting to the felt emotions will be analyzed. It is really not surprising to observe that people remembered faster and were more ready to narrate situations inducing negative emotions than those that do not. Let us start once more with buteng (fear), suron (anger), apal (envy), and liday (sadness).

In personal accounts, speakers make use of more intransitive sentences to express buteng.

(13)…nakangegak met ti putok ti paltogen. Ayna, simgarakpay. Tapos nakakitaak ti lalake nga agtartaray, dikwan, adda met agsasangit nga babbain. Ay kabutbuteng.

“…I heard gunshots. Gosh, I even had goose bumps. Then I saw a guy running, then, there were women crying. It was so frightening.”In using intransitive sentences, the speaker increased his “agency” as an experiencer of the emotion, perhaps for the listener to empathize with him more and to see him as more believable. Take note that the expression simgarak (I had goose bumps) was employed. Even before the mention of the root buteng, the mere fact that simgarak was mentioned already indicated that the speaker was already feeling fear. However, when the fear felt is induced by a referential agent, agency is transferred from the experiencer to the instigator.

(14)…adda met immasideg kaniakon nga lalake. Adda intutokna idiay likod ko. Kunana nga itedko kano diay bagko. Ket mabutbutengakon, inted ko lattan ah.

“A man approached me. He pointed something at my back. He told me to give him his bag. I was already terrified, so I just gave it to him.”In sentence (14), the use of transitive sentences and the account of the narrative in the third person give a very good example of how the speaker wants to attribute her fear to the lalake (man). The final sentence just proves that the man was successful in frightening her because she just presented herself in a fearful state.

Now let us move to accounts of suron (anger).

(15)Insingit na ketdin diay ginatangna. Sana ibaga nga saanak nga sumursurot ti system ti mall. Ay, makapasuron. Makarma la koma.

“She cut the line and inserted her purchase. Then she said that I wasn’t following the system of the mall. She infuriated me. Hope she gets bad karma.”(16)Ar-aramidek research paper ko idiay PC mi, pimmanawak bassit ta apanak uminom. Di agsubliak, nakapatay metten, ket haan ko pay nasave diay latest nga naitype ko. apan gayam ginuyod diay kaanakak ti saksakan na. Ay intero’t suron ko. Nasurunak nga talaga, nakiddel ko.

“I was doing my research on our computer, I left for a while to drink water. When I returned, the computer was already shut down, I haven’t saved the latest that I typed. It turned out my nephew/niece removed the switch. I was so angry, I pinched him/her.”It is obvious in both sentences that the speaker wants to put the blame on the perpetrator since s/he used the third person and the transitive sentence. The use of them as agents in transitive sentences (bold sentences) made them all the more responsible for the anger felt by the speaker since the sentences imply a deliberate action, hence, they really put a great amount of effort to make the speaker feel angry. Moreover, the use of the modal koma in the last sentence of (15) implies that although the speaker was yearning for revenge, s/he chose to turn to a higher power to give justice to the event. Whereas the use of nakiddel in (16) implies that because of what the child did, the experiencer accidentally pinched her, obviously attempting to justify the act of pinching and reduce his “vengeful image”.

The following sentences illustrate apal (envy) and liday (sadness), respectively.

(17)Napan diay classmate ko diay Batanes. Shet, makapaapal.

‘My classmate went to Batanes. I feel so envious!’(18)Makapaliday ti agmaymaysa nga agbibiag. Awan pay makasaom no saan nga cellphone wenno t.v.

‘Living by yourself is depressing. You don’t even have someone to talk to aside from the cellphone or the television.’Again, the causative affix makapa- was used, increasing the causal relationship between the perpetrator and the emotion.

(19)Imbag pay dakayo, adda love life un. Siak ngay, NBSB latta aginggana tatta. Siakkoma met.

‘Fortunately for you, guys, you have love lives. Me… still a member of ‘no boyfriend since birth’ club until now. I hope I experience that, too.’Sentence (19) however, does not show the emotion term apal (envy). However, the use of imbag pay dakayu (fortunately for you) already implies envy on the part of the speaker, mixed with happiness for the good fortune the person has achieved. The addition of the modal sentence Siak koma met (I hope I experience it, too) expresses the yearning of the speaker to experience the fortune without wishing something unpleasant for the other person.

(20)Naayatanak a talaga idi adda nagited kaniak ti sabong. Uray saan ko nga boyfriend ngem inikkannak ti sabong for Valentine’s Day. Nag-sweet.

‘I was really touched when a friend gave me flowers. Even though he’s not my boyfriend, he still gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day. It was sweet of him.’(21)Naragsanakpay idi naamuak nga agawid ni mamang ko for graduation.

‘I was so happy when I learned that my mother was coming home for my graduation.’Most accounts of happy emotions, like (19) and (20) involved the use of the affixes na- and –an. As explained in sentences (10) and (11), this affix puts the spotlight on experiencer as the receiver of the emotion and how pleasant it felt.

4.0 Summary and ConclusionHow then does emotion talk figure in Ilokano? We have seen in chapters two and three the ways by which Ilokano speakers express their rikna. The first is through somatization or the use of organs to describe emotions, and the second is through the use of emotion terms in clausal and discourse levels. In this method, we have confirmed that the expression depends on how a speaker wants to be understood. A speaker employs a certain type of affix, grammatical category and even clause for a certain type of meaning s/he wants to put in the emotion term. In this level, transitive and intransitive clauses play a crucial role.

What, then, is rikna? Rikna is that part of nakem that deals with how Ilokanos react to emotional experiences, as defined by their culture. For them rikna is more than an internal self-directing phenomenon. It is part of a person’s kinatao. It is seated on his nakem, his concept of ethics and morality. It is in being one with this nakem that he improves his well-being.

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Psychology 101: Emotion. (2004). Retrieved February 20, 2008 fromhttp://allpsych.com/psychology101/emotion.htmlEmotion (Psychology). (2008). Retrieved February 20, 2008 fromhttp://encyclopedia.farlex.com/emotion+(psychology)APPENDIXA. List of Informants1.Grace Abalos, 20, Sudipen, La Union2.Victoria Bistoyong, 20, Suyo, Ilocos Sur3.Gaile Corpuz, 21, Bangar, La Union4.Marjoree Daez, 21, Bangar La Union5.Margaret Galang, 20, Suyo, Ilocos Sur6.Raisa Lubina, 21, Tagudin, Ilocos Sur7.Regina Makil, 20, Sudipen, La Union8.Florienor Nugao, 20, Tagudin , Ilocos Sur9.Ronald Oligario, 21, Tagudin, Ilocos Sur10.Argie Pelingen, 22, Bangar, La Union11.Ladyleine Pelingen, 21, Bangar, La Union12.Louie Sajonia, 20, Suyo, Ilocos Sur13.Mary Jane Sibolboro, 24, Sta. Cruz, Ilocos Sur14.Lorie Sibolboro, 20, Sta. Cruz, Ilocos Sur15.Kristine Sibolboro, 19, Sta. Cruz, Ilocos SurB. Personal Accounts of EmotionsBUTENG (FEAR)(1)…nakangegak met ti putok ti paltogen. Ayna, simgarakpay. Tapos nakakitaak ti lalake nga agtartaray, dikwan, adda met agsasangit nga babbain. Ay kabutbuteng.

“…I heard gunshots. Gosh, I even had goose bumps. Then I saw a guy running, then, there were women crying. It was so frightening.”(2)…adda met immasideg kaniakon nga lalake. Adda intutokna idiay likod ko. Kunana nga itedko kano diay bagko. Ket mabutbutengakon, inted ko lattan ah.

“A man approached me. He pointed something at my back. He told me to give him his bag. I was already terrified, so I just gave it to him.”SURON (ANGER)(3)Addidiayak mall. Nakapilaak idiay cashier tapno agbayad. Adda ketdi babae nga summingiten. Insingit nan diay ginatangna. Sana ibaga nga saanak nga sumursurot ti system ti mall. Ay, makapasuron. Makarma la koma.

“I was at the mall, waiting for the cashier to punch my purchase. Then a woman cut the line and inserted her purchase. Then she said that I wasn’t following the system of the mall. She infuriated me. Hope she gets bad karma.”(4)Ar-aramidek research paper ko idiay PC mi, pimmanawak bassit ta apanak uminom. Di agsubliak, nakapatay metten, ket haan ko pay nasave diay latest nga naitype ko. apan gayam ginuyod diay kaanakak ti saksakan na. Ay intero’t suron ko. Nasurunak nga talaga, nakiddel ko.

“I was doing my research on our computer, I left for a while to drink water. When I returned, the computer was already shut down, I haven’t saved the latest that I typed. It turned out my nephew/niece removed the switch. I was so angry, I pinched him/her.”(5)Ay, diay taxi nga nagluganak tattay. Apannak ketdi inrikusen. Panagkuna ngata a ket haaak nga taga-ditoy. Ti gagon! Makapabwisit.

‘The taxi I was in a while ago, the driver just drove me around. Maybe he was thinking I wasn’t from here. The creep! I was so irritated.

APAL (ENVY)(6)Napan diay classmate ko diay Batanes. Shet, makapaapal.

‘My classmate went to Batanes. I feel so envious!’(7)Nakapinpintas ni Marge, awan pay makitak nga dakes kaniana. Makapaapal. Ania laketdi met ti biagen aya.

‘Marge is so beautiful. I don’t even see a something in her. I feel so envious. What a life!’(8)Imbag pay dakayo, adda love life un. Siak ngay, NBSB latta aginggana tatta. Siak koma met.

‘Fortunately for you, guys, you have love lives. Me… still a member of ‘no boyfriend since birth’ club until now. I hope I experience that, too.’LIDAY (SADNESS)(9)Makapaliday ti agmaymaysa nga agbibiag. Awan pay makasaom no saan nga cellphone wenno t.v.

‘Living by yourself is depressing. You don’t even have someone to talk to aside from the cellphone or the television.’(10)Nakaru unay ti liday ko idi natay diay kasinsin ko. Idik la nga napanunot no kasatno kaababa ti biag.

‘I felt so sad when my cousin died. It was just that time when I realized how short life was.’AYAT (LOVE)(11)Naayatanak a talaga idi adda nagited kaniak ti sabong. Uray saan ko nga boyfriend ngem inikkannak ti sabong for Valentine’s Day. Nag-sweet.

‘I was really touched when a friend gave me flowers. Even though he’s not my boyfriend, he still gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day. It was sweet of him.’RAGSAK (HAPPINESS)(12)Naragsanakpay idi naamuak nga agawid ni mamang ko for graduation.

‘I was so happy when I learned that my mother was coming home for my graduation.’(13)Ay. Diay crush ko idiay eskwelaan, grabe! Naamoak nga crush nakmet gayam.

ay, grabe, intero’t ragsak ko.

‘My crush in school… gosh! I learned that he had a crush on me, too! I was so happy!’BAIN (SHAME)(14)Adda naminsan, pinakantadak idiay sango. Ket saanak ngamin nga sigurado idiay tono. Hanak met makahaan ta kababain. Nagkanta ak lattan ah. Dikwan, nagkyakak ketdin. Ay, nabainanak pay.

‘There was one time when I was asked to sing in front. I wasn’t sure how the song went but I was ashamed to say no. so I just sang, only to fall on a bad note later. I was so embarrassed.’SAKIT (PAIN)(15)Nasaktanak idi imbaga na kaniada nga awan kano intultulong ko diay community mi. Kasla la isuna am-amin ti nagaramid ket group effort met didiay. Siak pay nangisuro kaniana ti aramidenna tas inaramid na kaniak didiay. Nagsakit nga talaga ti nakem ko.

‘I was hurt when he told them that I didn’t do anything during our community immersion. As if he did everything! It was a group effort. I even taught him what to do, just so he could do that to me. I was so hurt.’