Family ConflictConflicts were dealt with in many different ways in my family, but one thing that remained constant was that they were always resolved. My parents were relentless in their search for the cause of problems that were happening in the family. If one person in the family was constantly arguing and fighting with the others, my mother especially would try to get to the root of the problem that was causing the person to act in this manner. Now, this was not always easy because the last thing an angry, pissed of person wants to do is sit down with their mother or wife and try to get at the "root"ÃÂ of the problem. This was not always effective either and would cause the person to get more upset, usually with mom.
In general, when a conflict arose in the house, everybody knew about it.
In a family of four it was very hard to conceal anything. If my parents were angry with each other, with one of the kids, or if the kids were fighting the whole family knew it. I remember my parents fighting, like any couple, over really stupid stuff and the fights never lasting more than hour and not amounting to anything more than raising their voices at each other. It always seemed to be a clash over two ways of doing things, my dad would want some project done this way and my mother would want it done the other way and they would argue about who was right. What usually happened is that my mom would give into my dad and he would proceed to wreck or ruin whatever the project was, not really but it happened quite a few times. That was usually the amount to my parent's confrontations.
When it came to painful issues my parents would always agree on how to handle them and would never argue, they would take the problem head on and try to explain it to us kids. I think, the reason for this was because my parents both had rather tragic things happen to them in their early adulthood. My father was involved in a fatal car accident and my mother witnessed her sister get run over by a train. As a young adult myself, I have no idea how I would, or even if I could, deal with these types of problems. They both had to have developed effective coping strategies to be able to recover from such tragedies and succeed in life. Strategies that were undoubtedly shaped by the great faith my parents have in God and in the power of prayer, something they have instilled in me.
Painful issues were always confronted in my family. If my parents did not know exactly how to deal with the problem at the time we as a family would all pray together for guidance to deal with the problem. This had a huge influence on the emotional climate of the home. There was a great feeling of support between the members of the family, and a sense of security. When problems did arise things never got out of hand because we were always there for each other and our faith helped to put things into perspective. I was not afraid to share my individual problems with the family, and in fact it always helped me when I did. Listening was the key aspect of the family, listening to each other and sometimes that is all it took.