I wanted to retch. The sharp stench of disinfectant combined with the sheer terror at the thought of what the next few minutes had in-store for me. Thoughts of abandonment, turning around and going home, filled my mind. I could have just walked straight past, continued on home, pretended to just be another person passing the cold, grey building. I still do not know what made me stop, turn towards the building and walk straight into the reception with what seemed expectant confidence. I remember thinking that if I just acted like that was where I was supposed to be going, like I worked there or something then no-one suspect any different. That they would not even think I was their to visit anyone.
My heart pounded against my chest as I approached the chipper young woman at the desk. The woman must have realized I was a visitor as her smile morphed into a sympathetic grimace as she asked who I was enquiring after.
I had to force his name out. My voice cracked as I said it, the fear finally showing. I started to lose control of my thoughts. Questions screaming in my head as she directed me to the room. Down the corridor, third on the left.
My legs turned to lead weights as I walked slowly in the indicated direction. Fear clenched my stomach in an iron fist. I stopped breathing for a fraction of a second as I knocked on the door. His voice rang clear as he summoned me to enter, almost banishing my fears, made me think their was nothing wrong with him. He sounded fine. But as I entered the room the hope was destroyed when I saw he sat, not in a chair as I had expected, but in a...