The Great Depression.

This essay is informative and of a good standard for Grade Ten.

This was a good start but your intro needs work. That will come with time as you write more. You raise interesting points but its hard because most of these facts are known. Trying to put a different twist on historical facts makes them more interesting.

You should have explained a little bit more on why the stock market crashed, it's because stock brokers would sell margins and get loans from the banks. Companies were saying they were worth more because they were counting the money they would recieve after everything is payed. Bank needs the loans to be payed back because it loaned alot of it's money out to brokers and other people and they need it to give people that have accounts there their money. Brokers can't pay back their loans so the they sell their stocks and get little profit back not being able to pay the banks and the banks have no money, so therefore nobody can get the money they have out of the bank.

Good use of facts of the depression to support the details. Overall, nice way to give examples leading to the causes. Good job, very informative.

This essay was written very nice. I agree with BlondeHoney. The intro does not some touching up, but like she said, it will come with time and practice. Other than that, it is a superb essay. Great job!!

-an effective yet cliche intro. It does need a touch up tho.. try searching for ways to write your intro... Try a quote instead.


-uneven distribution of income ... we have that today also, specify as to why it is vital. We dependent on the amount of money the rich spent.


-there was a postwar recession 1920-21 JTLUK


-whoa! i thought ur essay was about cause and effect. You just run into how the seasons affect what ppl eat. How about going more in depth about the causes? You say that ppl didnt notice the signs... what signs? be specific. You could mention the Florida land boom etc.


-what caused the dust bowl? you should mention the dry farming techniques, mechanization etc.

-FDR's "New Deal" became what started the nation's turn around.

That sentence sounds funny. Also, the new deal prolonged the depression and made things worse since it focused more on relief.

I definitely think this is a well done essay for the grade level. A lot of good points regarding the depression were discussed. I like the visualization.

Overall for a 10th grader, I would say this was pretty well written. Your facts are there and it seems you did your research and know what you are talking about. However, you digress a little too much. Try keeping on topic and only talk about what's relevant to you thesis. Otherwise your paper will be about the wrong thing. So overall I feel this was pretty well written. I would give it either a high B+ or a low A-.