Essay by PaperNerd ContributorCollege, Undergraduate September 2001

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In light of recent events, namely, the turning of the earth on a central axis thereby creating the illusion of time passed, it is now Halloween. So, let's play the "Clean Up" game. In it, I profit from the date. Ready? GO! NOOPLY AND... Halloween! Baltimore, 1600 Mayor Churchill: And so, we have condemned this woman for being a witch, and therefore BLASHPEMIZINATING stuff! We have no choice but to hang her from an electric chair and spray gas in her face, then shoot her! Witch: NOOO! I'M NOT A WITCH! Mayor: Oh yeah? Witch: YEAH! Mayor: Hmm... your logic is impeccable. YOU MUST BE A WITCH! Now, activate the hanger-shocker-sprayer-shooter! (The town executioner switches on a complicated device) Witch: FINE! YOU MAY KILL ME, BUT BE IT KNOWN THAT IN EXACTLY FOUR HUNDRED AND ONE YEARS, YOUR DESCENDANT WILL FEEL MY WRATH!!! Mayor: So what! FIRE/HANG/SPRAY/SHOCK!!! *bang/crash/fsst/bzzzt* Townsperson: Is Maryland even populated yet? Mayor: Shut up.

Baltimore, October 31nd, 2001 Nooply: WHOOOOOO! IT'S HALLOWEEEN! AHAEHAHEHAHE (runs into a wall) MY PANCREAS Mom: Nooply, stop running around, you'll hurt your pancreas. Besides, mommy's a little hung over.

Nooply: What's that mean? Mom: (draped over an ironing board) It means I have to hang over this for three hours as part of my excersizes. Why don't you go trick or treating? Nooply: Because I always get the wrong answer.

Flashback *little kids come to the door, Nooply answers* Little kids: TRICK OR TREAT! Nooply: Um... trick! *Little kids hit Nooply with baseball bats* Nooply: DAMMIT! Um...... trick! *Little kids spray paint Nooply's face black* Nooply: DAMMIT! Um...... trick! *Little kids hit Nooply with eggs* Nooply: DAMMIT! Um......... trick? End flashback Mom: ...

Nooply: Don't worry, they wore themselves out after four hours. Where's my costume? Mom: I left it on...