Hideous by Nature : Analysis of Rosie O'donnell
A friend, Eric, believes that Rosie O’Donnell is attractive. Eric is clearly out of his mind. Rosie O’Donnell is the most hideous woman on the planet. Her level of attractiveness greatly diminishes when one takes into account her face, body, and personality.
To begin, Rosie’s face is repulsive. If anyone could manage to look at Rosie’s face long enough, one might notice that her nose is short, wide, and bulbous. She has so much fat in her cheeks that her puffed flesh camouflages any decent bone structure she may possess. Her eyes are no asset other than the fact that they function. Maybe, if she gains a little more weight, they will become completely useless when engulfed by flesh. Her skin, graced with the occasional pus-bearing pimple, is as ruddy as a slapped rear end.
Another attribute that makes Rosie so ugly is her body. She weighs so much that she looks as though she may not be able to fit air into her lungs. When she is waving, the underside of her arm looks like a wet sheet, hanging on a clothesline, drying on a windy day. To view Rosie in a bathing suit is torture. Her legs look like two barrels of cottage cheese riddled with craters. Maybe Rosie should try wearing some maternity clothes and attempt to convince everyone that she is expecting.
Finally, Rosie’s voice is the most annoying sound. Listening to her nasally attempts at humor would make anyone want to puke. Her voice has as much appeal to it as finger nails on a chalkboard. Listening to static would be more amusing. She would be much more pleasant if she would just use sign language to communicate.
Rosie O’Donnell is the most hideous woman because she has a repulsive face, a body that has more stretch marks than silly putty, and a voice that would make any sane person crazy. If you ever want to be a star, make sure you have a great plastic surgeon and speech therapist. Eric may be a friend, but he does not know the difference between attractive and Rosie O’Donnell.
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