Insecurities--Sara Vee

Essay by shorty10184 April 2004

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I have usually been pretty satisfied with myself and I haven't felt too insecure until one bright, sunny, summer day of my seventh grade year. Everything turned around in a flash, and to my surprise I didn't know the worst was yet to come. Even though I knew that God had made me the way I was for a reason I had a hard time believing in myself.

I had liked this boy in my grade for a while, but only from a distance. He went to the Catholic school in Wells, and I went to the public school in Wells. Finally the last day of seventh grade had come and I was excited to be on summer break. The best part about this day was the "end of the school year party" that I was going to that night. When I got to my friend Ashley's house there were some other girls there too.

We were all just sitting around and talking and signing the yearbooks we had just recently gotten, when a few boys rode up to Ashley's back yard on their bikes.

I was really excited because Trevor, the boy I liked, was out there. All of my friends knew I liked him and they decided that they needed to talk to him. Finally, after a long talk and a lot of persuasion from the girls he agreed to date me. I was so excited, but really nervous. I very rarely talked and he was the same way. We were both too shy to say anything, so my best friend always set up our "dates". Needless to say my boyfriend talked to my best friend more than he talked to me.

I didn't really think anything of it until that horrid day came when Trevor decided I wasn't the one for him anymore. I got a call from him in the afternoon and we decided things weren't right. I was a little saddened, but mostly I was alright with it since we didn't really talk to each other.

Ten minutes later I got a phone call from my best friend. When we were talking Trevor got brought up and I had to go through the whole story again. She told me that she knew we had broken up and she was really calling to ask me if I would mind if she dated him. She is my best friend and there was no way I could tell her that she couldn't date him. Even though I was hurt by her even asking such a question I told her that she could date him and I wouldn't mind at all.

Right then I knew there was something wrong with me. I knew I wasn't the prettiest girl in the world, but I thought that I was not that bad. I wasn't sure what he saw in Maria that he didn't see in me. We were best friends. We did everything together and the same. How could he like her more than me?

I started to doubt myself and the way I looked. I knew that I was chubby and if I wanted a boyfriend that had to change. So I started to try and cut back on my snacking, always wear make-up, and make my hair look nice. This did nothing for me. Sadly, I didn't know what to do. I had to hang out with Trevor still because I couldn't just drop my best friend. I hung out with them a lot, most of the time they saw my bitter attitude towards them. They knew I was unhappy, but they were happy together and really didn't care much about what I thought. This made me even more upset and insecure.

The whole situation made me more insecure about my body and my looks. Most times guys can not break me and things don't go as they did this time, but I have learned a lot from this. I finally got over being bitter towards the situation and made Trevor into my second best friend. He has always been there for me, and I have learned that, we didn't break up because of the way I looked. We broke up because God wanted to make us best friends instead. I've learned that God created me the way I am for a reason, and that I should never feel insecure about the way I look just because somebody doesn't like it. In God's eyes I'm perfect and that is all that matters.