A breakup divorce or loss of loved ones isn't just the end of your relationship with that person. It's a continuation of every feeling of abandonment you've ever suffered. It's the loss of a system of approval you'd come to depend on. The struggle as John Gray points out in "Starting Over" isn't just to find a new partner, but to get over those feelings of abandonment or loss or anger or whatever else dredged up by the end of a relationship. Perhaps the book's most crucial chapters posit that the best way to get over the loss of love is to focus on the "love" more than the "loss". That may seem impossible especially if the bum took off with your best friend, your life savings, and your Lyle Lovett CD's, but Gray didn't get to be a household name because the advice in his Venus and Mars books doesn't work.
Remembering only the bad parts Gray says, leaves you with an important part of your emotional being closed to new business.
Gray's main argument from his first book has been that difficulty between men and women lie in the lack of understanding and acceptance of different sexes. Grays model of Mars and Venus stereotypes both men and women. To some Grays conception has pushed women's role in marriage back 30 years. To the author however, the model of Mars and Venus portrays men and women in neither good nor bad light but in true light.
There is truth in the argument that Gray's model stereotypes both men and women because he assigns specific tasks to men and women, thus making a fixed identity. Gray in this book "Starting Over" says that when single again, men and women face different challenges. Just as we think, feel and communicate differently,