King William I Americans these days are too spoiled. Freedom and crime are far too rampant. Whatever happened to the good old days of ruthless, bloodthirsty monarchs? Rulers who would send the citizens quivering with the mere mention of their names. Kings whose wanton cruelty and disregard for human life pleased and amused us all. There is one thing, and one thing alone, that we as a nation need to return us to the subservient, useless entities that we truly are. That one thing is a king. What better man for the job than William Jefferson Clinton? A king and Bill Clinton are so utterly dissimilar that I know I must sound crazy, but just embrace this idea, however ludicrous it may sound, for just a moment. I mean think about it. Would it be that much of a change? Clinton is already, by far, the most powerful man in the universe.
Let us just analyze the things that made a king and the things that make Bill Clinton.
First of all, a king was able to wage war with whomever he wanted, without the approval of a legislative body. Is that not what Clinton did earlier this year? We waged a war with a country tens of thousands of miles away under the flag of NATO, which Clinton practically controls anyway. He used the United Nations as an excuse to intervene in something that didn't concern us because "it was in the best interests of mankind as a whole." That was not unlike the Treaty of Vienna in the 19th century. The treaty basically gave the most powerful nations in Europe the right to intervene and interfere in any conflict or uprising that was deemed "harmful" to the rest of Europe. The treaty was written by countries where, by and large, monarchy was still prevalent. So it would not be much of a change to just make Clinton a king because he is already the most powerful man in the universe.
Kings were also able to enact any laws they saw fit, again, without the approval of a legislative body. Has Clinton not done this already? Take the partial-birth abortion law for example. Now I support a woman's right to abort her child but, in my opinion, this goes too far. This method of "contraception" was overwhelmingly opposed by both the House and Senate, both Republican controlled. The Republicans did everything in their power to defeat this bill. However, along come Bubba and all of a sudden women have the right to have this atrocity performed on their partially born child. This power makes Clinton one step closer to being a king. So why not make it official? He is already the most powerful man in the universe.
Kings were also above the law itself. No king was ever removed for breaking a law. Neither was Clinton. He has broken numerous law and committed traitorous acts during his presidency. For example the Whitewater thing. He abused his power as Arkansas state governor to further a multi-million dollar real estate deal in which he was going to profit immensely. Was he charged? No, because he is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the universe.
He has repeatedly accepted illegal campaign contributions from other nations in exchange for favors. Take the Chinese businessmen for example. Their illegal contributions served as "rent" on the Lincoln bedroom. That sordid little act has ruined the prestige of the Lincoln bedroom, perhaps forever. Was he charged or even reprimanded. No, because he is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the universe.
He has also repeatedly sold American patents to the Chinese. Again, was he reprimanded? This traitorous act was ignored by both the American justice system and the American people. Want to know why? Because he is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the universe.
Let us not forget the whole impeachment fiasco. Clinton admittedly committed perjury in a deposition to the grand jury in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case (which I will get to later). Perjury is a felony. Was Clinton charged, removed from office, or even formally reprimanded? No, because he is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the universe.
Which brings me to my final point: marital infidelity and moral ambiguity. Kings were cruel and ruthless and concubines were rampant in the royal court. Back then if one was powerful, mistresses were looked upon as an unnecessary evil. Did that not already happen with Clinton? Let us go through the list of some of the women he has had either sex with or has sexually harassed. The three most famous names are Paula Jones, Jennifer Flowers, and the now infamous Monica Lewinsky. Was he punished for his infidelity? Of course not. We even reelected him. Want to know why? Because he is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the universe.
A fine example of his moral ambiguity is the whole marijuana thing. This was before we even elected him. He admittedly smoked an illegal substance. Was he punished? No, because he is Bill Clinton, the most powerful man in the universe.
Some might say to impeach him or just to wait this out because he is leaving in just over a year anyway. However, I say no to this because he might be replaced with someone just as bad or worse, such as Al Gore, the most boring man in the country.
We made the mistake once, we can make it again. The only available solution is to make him our unquestioned lord and master, Now I ask, is that so bad?