Oh how much longer can you refrain from delighting us here with your unquenchable charm and wit? Pray come and visit as soon as possible - it has been too long since we last sat together for a drink, and there is room aplenty for you to stay in Olivia's magnificent abode. It can often be quite a dry and boring place unfortunately; a little of your humour would liven it up no end.
Our wondrous friend Sir Andrew Aguecheek is currently in temporary residence here, the old fool. Many a night have we had drinking and celebrating life's endless joys, frequently also in the company of a certain Miss Maria. Such a wonderful gal - across the entire globe there's no other gem like her. Why, only yesterday she executed the most ingenious, hilarious, skilful and masterly plan I have ever known one to come up with, as a little 'pay back', shall we say, to that dastardly evil cretin Malvolioo.
Malvolio. The man is a tyrant. No sense of fun, no sense of humour, no wit, manners or honesty but to interrupt every good time we three fooleries can snatch for ourselves. A puritan through to the bone, he makes one want to beat him like a dog. In fact, but for his position in my dear cousin's house and my own habit of lodging there I would take to him like a mad animal out of its cage. But enough said - let move on to this startling tale of genius on the part of dear Maria.
It came to us one evening after we had been rudely ticked off yet again by the aforementioned personage to deceive him with a letter, cleverly scripted as to seem written in Olivia's hand yet in...