There have been numerous occasions on which I have contemplated suicide without knowing why it was I wanted to die. While reading Susana Kaysen's book, Girl, Interrupted, I was able to personally relate to Kaysen's thoughts and feelings of suicide. Not wanting death, but just a quiet mind that would relieve me of the obsessive suicidal thoughts, which relentlessly plagued me without warning. Kaysen states, "Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy"(Kaysen, p.37).
The aforementioned statement is instantly recognizable as commonplace to the severely depressed individual. Many people experience the extreme emotional pain of depression to the point where they just want to kill the part within, which causes all the suffering. Kaysen, diagnosed with bipolar disorder, used her experiences to creatively inform and educate the reader on the tragedies that occur as a result of the numerous "faces" of depression.
Kaysen lived at McLean Institute, a mental institution, which she called home for nearly two years of her life. She was struck with frequent thoughts of suicide and was unable to rid her mind of them. Often unable to escape obsessive thoughts on suicide, I tend to draw a parallel with Kaysen.
To begin with, I do not believe I have always had a "haunting" preoccupation with my own death. I imagine it began after my best friend succeeded in killing herself after her fourth or fifth attempt at it. After that, suicide seemed to become a solution to problems instead of the tragedy it always has been. Eventually, I began to rationalize how she could feel so depressed and chose suicide as a way out. Every...