Even I didn't recognize myself. I don't know why I go
through those periods of time... but every once in a while
I do. I haven't now in a while though... I haven't felt
sexually deviant or angry. I have been a bit distant, and
somewhat depressed, but by now I am used to that. I needed
to write today, because... yet AGAIN, I am thinking about
my ex. It has been almost eight years since I have seen
him, and in the time since I have met, dated, & married my
husband; but I still can't get HIM out of my head.
Does anyone out there know if there is such a thing as
true love? I mean from the day I met Jim, I have never
gone a day without loving him. Oh, I love my husband also,
butthe feeling is still different. With Jim, the feelings
are somehow deeper, more physically charged.
When Jim went
away to college, and announced that he wanted to go to
college a "free man," my heart sunk... and I questioned my
whole reality. I don't think a day goes by that I don't
wonder how it could be that I could love someone so much,
and them not feel the same for me. What kind of cruel and
sick cosmic joke is that?!?
For the longest time, I believed my feelings would fade...
that my love for him was nothing more than a teenage kind
of love. We had dated all through high-school, and he no
doubt was my first love... but I guess, I banked on the
hope that my heart would eventually let him go. It hasn't,
though. I mean, sure... I don't cry every day any more,
and live a decently productive life, but I have done it...