Panic Attack I am lost. The night is black enough to swallow me whole. But I welcome it tonight. Would it be all that bad? I imagine how warm I would be, wrapped in a sheet of blacknessÃ¢ÂÂ¦but suddenly I'm lonely. Why hasn't anybody called me today, I wonder to myself, but the answer is glaring me in the face, much like this door. But I don't remember this door like this before, tonight it is different-tonight it's closed.
Who closed it? It must have been me, because I am here alone. Not even a robber would bother me, not tonightÃ¢ÂÂ¦besides would it even be that bad, if maybe somebody was there. But even they could not reach me tonightÃ¢ÂÂ¦my door was closed. I should just open it, I think to myself. But, I won't-can't open it. My muscles have turned to stone, and I shake trying to control them.
But how is this anything new? Did I ever have control anyways? "No!" I try to shout, but no words come out, for I will not allow them to. If I did let myself, somebody might hear me, somebody might know how pittiful I am, somebody might know how much I do need them. Somebody might feel like I took their control away. And they would just abandon me too. Who do I have left to abandon me I think? But I do have people to abandon me. I create a long list in my mind, and suddenly I want to scream that much more, but it doesn't matter for they couldn't hear me even if I wanted them to-my door is closed.
Why can't I open it? Why can't I scream? I want them to hear! I admit it, I need them to, but they won't listen. A...