I am the most blessed man in the world. And one of the biggest reasons is my friends. I am fortunate enough to have many friends who love me. Now, I love them too, but I never thought about relying on them much until relatively recently. I mean, that's not quite right either. I am the one that people come to, not the other way 'round.
But recent circumstance and choice have taken me where I didn't expect, and at times I have had trouble finding my way back. I've had choices I've avoided making. In truth, I've been in pain, and at times not very rational. I have hurt some friends and alienated others. Recently, there have not been many of my finest hours.
I do not brag about this or bemoan this. It is just as it has been.
What has gotten me through, what has helped when I haven't expected it, what has come to my rescue when I wasn't looking, has been my friends.
It's not that I ever thought less of them, it's just that I never much thought about being on the accepting side of such support. Remember, it was always I who supported others. Always.
And in that, I cheated myself, and I cheated them. I cannot imagine how it must feel. To love a friend so, and to have them so love and support you through your roughest, toughest times. And then, when you see them in pain, they close you off. Not hard or brutally. But cleverly and with slight of hand and smoke and mirrors. So that you almost don't notice it until later. But the result is the same. They don't really let you in.
Quite frustrating, I'd imagine. And I have been doing it. Without really trying, and...