We stopped off at a local diner for dinner after the trial, John offering us dinner. After a few moments of silence we gave our orders in, and John cleared his throat. "Do you guys want to hang out after this?"
I smiled nodding. "It's been awhile." My smile faded then as I thought what usually happened when we hung out. They'd smoke. Mike wouldn't be there I knew, but Stacie took his place, the two friends out of three that smoked, and me left behind, an outcast...alone.
John caught the look. "We don't have to smoke man."
"Its ok, I want to." I let that out without really thinking, but in all honesty I did want to smoke tonight. The initial shock of the PCP trip, and hospital visit stemmed my fear that these drugs I had started to love might not be as harmless as I originally thought.
But as the days past and I thought about what had happened it wasn't the drug I wanted. I guess that the outcome of a black market, and it made me sick. I wanted to smoke again, but I wasn't addicted, I wasn't sick and I was able to work fine without it but I did miss it. It was like TV, I didn't need it I just liked it enough to keep watching.
"Are you sure?" John asked.
"Yea...that PCP thing really scared me...but I'm over it." I smiled.
Stacie gave me a small smile. "What about staying sober for the trial."
"I'll be sober by Monday." I said chuckling. "It will be ok, I've had a long week...and could use some relaxation. This trial..." I trailed off and sighed. "Besides, we haven't done it in awhile, I miss you man." I put up a fake smile trying to...