How To Run A Ticket Booth

Essay by PaperNerd ContributorCollege, Undergraduate August 2001

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How to do a ticket booth: 1. Do not sit there like a turd and wonder why nobody wants your tickets 2. Write out "free jazz" in tickets on the table (watch your "j" is the right way) 3. Every person who goes by, no matter how cute or ugly deserves to have "Free Jazz Tickets" yelled at them in some way. Even people far away. You are FISHING for an audience, not WAITING for one.

4. Even if you are a nervous loser, three or four times of yelling "Free jazz tickets with a smile and a car salesman voice will put you into a mode of existance where you actually are a friendly fun person." 5. If they're not paying attention to you, pick out something about them, such as "Free jazz tickets for guys with ponytails" or "free jazz tickets for the punk rockin laverdes cashier" or "Hey! You, with the spear in your ass! Free jazz tickets!" 6.

Giving them the imbedded command of "You want free jazz tickets, right?" helps.

7. If you haven't noticed, you should be saying the words "free jazz tickets" about 300 times an hour.

8. You can sing to people about free jazz tickets as they walk by too.

9. If they don't come over, it's their loss. Don't be sad. But tell them it's "still free" when they walk by the second time.

10. If they come over tell them everything you know about the concert, especially how good you are at playing your saxophone, trumpet, or kazoo, and the fact that there is going to be a funk production with dancing/costumes/etc.

11. Don't mention $3 if they're there. It just confuses them. Just tell them it's free until later tonight.

12. GIVE THEM TICKETS no matter what. We won't run out.