Self Exploration 4: My Mind Before It Sleeps

Essay by sardiddle April 2006

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Learning Log Entry #2

Every night, right before I fall asleep, I feel like I am either schizophrenic or on drugs. It is so hard to explain, but I will try my hardest. The few moments when I am between the realms of sleep and awake, my mind runs wild. I vaguely remember what is going on in my head once I snap out of it. It all becomes an indecipherable mess. The moment that I notice what is happening I am forced out of that stage. I do know that in this state I often feel as though I am either conversing with another person or a different side of my personality. I even hallucinate, but I do not know what. I do not even know if I am having visual or sensual hallucinations.

I have only recently recognized this. I really wish that I knew what was going on in my head at this moment because I think I could learn a lot about myself if I did.

Is this the effect of the acid I took when I was younger? Is it even normal? I wonder if other people go have experienced this, and if they do, would they even know it. It would be hard to find out though considering that I cannot really even explain it. Maybe it is associated with a food that I eat before bed or something like that. Maybe I am meditating without even knowing it. Maybe my spirit is leaving my body. Perhaps I just go completely crazy before I fall asleep.