Essay by PaperNerd ContributorCollege, Undergraduate October 2001

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CO12 Presentation Notes Chapter Eleven The Dialogue of Deterioration Troublesome Ways of Expressing * One person's perception of what constitutes affection and caring does not match the other's perception * the painful channels of sending and receiving messages of caring and affection Any pattern has the potential for being perceived destructive * All our principles were right, but our results were wrong. This is a diseased century. We diagnosed the disease and its causes with microscopic exactness, but wherever we applied the healing knife a new sore appeared. Our will was hard and pure, we should have been loved by the people. But they hate us. (Koestler) Destructive Patterns * Helpful-Critical Patterns * "Helpful" help when not asked or needed - patronizing manner Mindreading - needs or feelings * Critical finding a flaw - look at the world through black colored glasses Destructive Patterns * Active-Passive Patterns * Active Constantly seeking interaction, being together, being friends or intimate * Passive a style of being withdrawn, uninvolved, introverted Destructive Patterns * Aggressive-Evasive Patterns * Aggressive - five levels: repartee - witty remarks to hit others cliché - programmed comments namecalling provocation - insults, threats, accusations physiological degeneration Destructive Patterns * Evasive - four methods 1.

changing the focus of responsibilities - "See what you made me do." 2. Changing the direction of conversation 3. Changing the level of the conversation (e.g. practical - philosophic) 4. Sending in congruous message ( double-bind e.g. 383) Destructive Patterns * Dominating-Submissive Patterns * Dominating Life is a competitive arena where one person wins and the other loses - "I have to love you the way I want".

* Submissive "Wouldn't it be nice to be paired up with a slave?" Destructive Patterns * Certain - Provisional Patterns * Certain Know it all Nothing new under...