Ya know that kid that was my roommate, Holden? The one that nicked off from school a couple of days ago? Can't believe he couldn't even hang around just for a few more days. His little disappearance has really got Mr Thurmer mad. He's gonna call his folks up soon if Holden does show up. I didn't even know he was gone until the next morning when I saw his bags and stuff all gone. I knew he was failing a few subjects cos I've never seen him do any work, ya know, other than the occasional composition every now and then. He's not dumb or anything, I can tell ya that. In fact he's one sharp kid. He really knows what's going on, the only problem is, he doesn't know, he knows that. If he did, he'd be smart enough to actually do something about it.
The spooky thing is that he seems to know what you're thinking, better than you do.
He knows when ya wanna ask him a favour or if you're bullshitting to get your way or something like that. Like Mr Thurmer, Holden knows that he sucks up to our parents, but he doesn't say anything about it. He won't would tell u if u were faking, he'd just keep quiet. Even though he knew everyone was faking, he doesn't really do it himself unless he was mucking around or acting crazy or something. It's kinda like he knows you shouldn't be doing that, but he also knows that you can't help it. Like Thurmer and Ossenburger, they'd never be able to stop themselves from sucking up to people. I think Holden knows that's the way the world is, you know, with people always faking and lying to get their way, but the problem is that he also knows he can't do anything about it. That's what's eating him. He sees the world, a lot clearer than most other people do. Maybe he sees too much, oh, I don't know.
You should have seen him when I told him that I was dating Jan. He got all sensitive and protective like he was her father or something. It was like he was trying to save her from evil. Just because they used to be neighbours doesn't mean that he owns her, goddamn it. Maybe he was just trying to keep her in what he wanted reality to be, you know, kinda like the world where everyone is a virgin and never lies. He really believed it too, I could tell, at least enough to make him go psycho and try to punch me out. Man, I got so sore about that. I mean I'm twice as wide as he is, for Chrissake! What the heck was he thinking? Whatever reality he wants in his mind right now is pretty different from very one else's, no-one seems to be able to understand it, not me, not anyone. But he could see it so clearly though. That's probably the reason why he had to split from this place. Cos nobody knew what he was on about. He wanted his own version of life, like in fairy tales and stuff, not what life is like right now. The real world is not that perfect. But then again my version of reality maybe wrong and Holden's is right.
So yeah, I guess the main problem with Holden is that he knows what the world should be like, all nice and pretty and stuff like that, and that he sees what life is like in reality as well, right through all the phony stuff better than anyone else. I suppose he hates it compared to his world, especially with all the fake stuff people do around him and everything. He couldn't change reality to have it the way he wants, that's cos no one else sees it the way he does. It probably drives him crazy knowing that. I'm not even sure if I get what it is he wants. Either way, this is getting way too complicated for me, there's too much conscience and soul-searching stuff involved. Well, it looks like I would have to start writing my own compositions from now on. That, or I could find someone else to do it.