As children we make many idle threats and angry promises, never realizing the impact they could bestow upon our lives. At the age of fifteen I learned that lesson the hard way. The words my mother and I had exchanged during common adolescent--parent confrontations were now my reality. I had no parent figure in my life, and I was on my own.
I remember sitting in the living room as she packed her things. I only remember bits and pieces of our conversation. I am not even really sure it would be considered a conversation, I think it was mostly for her benefit and her conscious. She told me how I was old enough to make my own decisions and that her new boyfriend needed her more. Besides, how many times had I said I couldn=t wait to be on my own. She told me she=d keep all the bills up and give me weekly grocery money.
Even though the conversation lasted over an hour that=s all that I can remember except for her words as she walked out the door, AOh yeah, there=s a gun under the bed and it=s loaded. I=ll call you in a couple of days.@
The initial thoughts were that of a typical adolensce ; party, party, party, but then the first night began. I remember crawling into my mother=s bed thinking about the party I would have this weekend and the many weekends after. Then I heard it: something stirring in the house. I jumped up and rushed to the windows as I looked out my eyes were enveloped in blackness, and my ears were drowning in silence. That=s when I heard it; thump, thump, thump and I heard it again but faster. Fear was sucking the very life breath out of me.