Trendy New Fashion Statement By Leanna Wiedman The alternative kids have found something new with which to be trendy. Throw out the gothic clothes and the raver pants and dive into something unknown. What else could possibly be left for experimentation? That?s right, there is a new genre in the process of being created. It?s called Emo - a random, cool-sounding word. No one knows what it means, but it sounds good. Five phases have been created in order to help the less ?culturally hip? youngsters out there. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this new-found lifestyle.
Phase One: The beginning. Let?s start with the clothing. Discard all of the Pacific Sunwear clothing. I suggest the replacement item be thin, tight, solid colored v-neck sweaters. Or better yet, small fitting t-shirts with random slogans on them. They should appear as though they are ?vintage.? Purchase horn-rimmed glasses with no prescription lenses, and claim they are needed in order to ?see.?
And as for music, throw out all records from the labels Epitaph, Nitro, and Lookout. Proceed to the nearest music store and purchase all of the following musical bands: The Get Up Kids, The Promise Ring, Sunny Day Real Estate, and Weezer. Begin going to shows at the local music venue, regardless of who is playing. It is a building block for the Emo reputation. Join all the bands? fan clubs and wear all the t-shirts made by them on occasion.
Phase Two: The music phase. Realize that actually liking the bands whose CD?s have been purchased are no longer considered ?cool? because they are ?sellouts.? Throw all those newly purchased CD?s out. Once again, proceed to the nearest music store and purchase the CD?s of the following ?Underground? bands: Death Cab for Cutie, Jets to Brazil, Built to Spill, and Alkaline Trio. With this new insight to music, start a band. The name must be at least three words long and must play music that ?cannot be classified.? That means that everyone who knows the band labels the music produced as Indie Rock. The last step to this phase is denying one ever listened to any of the bands from Phase One.
Phase Three: A stage for growth. Once again, realize that the bands from Phase Two are not ?Underground.? This time, search the Internet in a panicked attempt to find real ?Underground? bands. Search on end until 7? albums are found by these bands: Mineral, Orchid, Moss Icon, and The Locust. Be different and start and on-line diary. Allow the world to experience the profound thoughts and ideas that race through an Emo kid?s head. Earn extra points for a domain with a name like, ?codeine.net.? While experiencing a writing frenzy, start a ?zine. Berate Phase One people for liking ?sellout? music and never knowing who the bands are that are written about in the magazine. Make many copies and hand them out at all the shows that are being attended. With all the popularity attained with the magazine, quit the band. Bands are lame. Stick to writing.
Phase Four: A valid change. Define oneself as an ?intellectual.? Carry obscure and philosophical texts in a used army surplus bag. Become a photographer and always carry a camera on that chance that there is something interesting that most overlook. With the pictures taken, create collages and sell them at the local flee market. Discuss ideas of going to art school and taking road trips. Buy ?intellectual? music by the following bands: q and not u, Cap?n Jazz, and Mogwai. Determine that rock music is dead and should never be resurrected. Declare that ?scenes? are dead, even if they are not, scenes are lame. Inform all friends of the recent musical collections obtained and claim of knowing about them for ages and scoff in their general direction for being ?poseurs.? Start a new musical project: classify it as one or more of the following genres (if you absolutely must resort to something so lame as classification): Post punk, Noise, Grindcore, Space Rock, or Drone. Smoke cigarettes and write songs about doing so and other such ?nonsensical? topics. Begin to dislike others on the basis of their inherent intellectual inferiority. Laugh derisively when they mention their band or their favorite band.
Phase Five: Diversify. Scoff at the term ?Emo,? and become one of the following: A). Indie Become covered in tattoos and claim to be ?one bad mother.? Pierce oneself, but not enough to make it look as though one is pierced to be ?cool.? Expand the piercing and wear plugs, the bigger, the better. Grow sideburns and always appear to be somewhat unshaven. Finally, decide once again to be in a band, but dislike the band altogether.
B.) Mod Find a denim jacket and wear it regardless of the weather. Along with that jacket, wear a scarf. Grow hair long enough to have it hang down over the forehead and have it slightly hanging in the eyes. Purchase a Vespa and drive it leisurely. Be in a ?minimal? band with only vocals and a keyboard. Give this band a French name, preferably starting with ?le.? Dream of being able to present music to Signur Ros and Yo La Tengo.
C.) Hardcore Voice opinions on important issues and scoff if someone disagrees. Inform people that one should die for their beliefs because they are ?intense and for real.? Write poems and lyrics that are emotionally driven but not wimpy. Talk about the struggles one has suffered from his/her beliefs and all of the friends who have sold them out. Make frequent references to ?blood flowing.? Have a band with a.) a name that is a single word, but a powerful word, like Indecision or b.) a name that is multiple words, vague, and ominous like The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend. Talk about the lack of respect for Emo kids and what a nuisance they are. Frequently use the phrase, ?Quit crying Emo kid,? as well as clever variations like, ?Hey Emo kid, need a Kleenex?? Last but not least, wear a hoodie. Always.
D.) A Washed Up Loser With No Life Skills and Social Value- This is the easiest route.
To conclude this lesson in life, Emo is just some random word thrown at unknowing people. This declaration of independence really has no definition. People tend to define themselves by a musical genre and fashion. Be yourself.