The Two Books of Kings: My continued rebuttal to the Bible.

Essay by Keir November 2005

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i.1-4: The book starts off with asphresiology. David, now old and infirm, has to resort to having girls procured for him by royal pimps so that he may get heat. After searching throughout all the coasts of Israel they found a suitably beautiful damsel, who ministered to him: but the king knew her not because he was impotent. Although most of the time passages from the KJV are used to illustrate how divinely inspired verses will be deliberately mistranslated to protect the moral sensibilities of the average parishioner, compare it with that of the New American Standard Bible which is derived from the KJV: she became the king's nurse and served him, but the king did not cohabit with her. Firstly, it takes more than prettiness and the ability to keep someone warm to be a nurse. How then did she serve him? Secondly, there is a world of difference between being able to penetrate a woman as the KJV discretely states and eloping with her.

An example of the typical dishonesty of Biblical translators.

ii.24-25: Solomon orders the murder of Adonijah like a Mafioso Godfather.

ii.28: The description of the horns of the altar match those of the Greek altars to Hera as the moon goddess.

ii.29-34: Solomon orders his henchman to kill Joab.

ii.46: Shimei is the next of Solomon's victims.

iii.3: Solomon worshipped the Great Goddess, and it was to her that he sacrificed and burnt incense in high places.

iii.5: Another example of God allowing the use of divination through dreams.

God grants Solomon's' request and makes him the wisest of all men. (He was wiser even than Jesus.) He also promises to "lengthen Solomon's days" if he will only "walk in my ways, ... as thy father David did walk." But alas, it...