Brought up great points but facts must be cited or paraphrased. Also I would take out the word "we".
- 16/12/2003
- 16:20:11
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I just read your essay and I thought it was amazing. Everything flowed very well and the use of statistics in your paper added strength to both sides of the argument.
- 09/11/2003
- 08:51:06
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Nice essay, that book was awesome. Your paper flowed well, gave good details and brought up good points. Good job :)
- 04/11/2003
- 14:14:37
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Definately a subject htat needed to be addressed. A lot of people talk about cell phones being a problem when you drive, but eating, at least in my opinion, is so much more dangerous. Only critism is that you used the word 'horrible' a little excessively.
- 04/11/2003
- 14:13:02
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The fact that you cited examples from your personal life made the essay a lot more powerful. Also usually you're not supposed to use "you" but it worked out okay in this paper. :)
- 04/11/2003
- 14:10:04
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Good word choice and thesis. It flows well and is interesting. :)
- 03/11/2003
- 18:31:28
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Very contriversial subject, however strongly you feel about it, in persuasive essays you are always supposed to show the other side. Then that gives you the opportunity to dispute it. Also sadly it is very unrealistic about all of the babies going to loving homes.
- 03/11/2003
- 18:26:09
- Score: 3 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Definitely a little choppy. I also found a couple grammatical errors. Could have used a more in-depth analysis of the history of capitalism. Out of 10 I would give it a 6 or a 7.
- 02/11/2003
- 19:14:07
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Good use of quotes, sometimes a little redundent. Overall it is well written with good transitions.
- 02/11/2003
- 16:36:14
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Not written at high school level, doesn't flow that well, also uses the 'you' a lot, which is a no no for essays. Interesting essay though.
- 02/11/2003
- 16:04:54
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Good use of quotes, however can't find the thesis.
- 01/11/2003
- 10:50:45
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Lacks a strong conclusion. Very informative, good use of facts. I personally would have done some paraphrasing and quoting, because there is no way you just knew those facts off the top of your head.
- 01/11/2003
- 10:48:37
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Good use of imagery. It flows pretty well.
- 01/11/2003
- 10:45:25
- Score: 32 out of 39 people found this comment useful.