You did a good job of giving examples of domestic terrorism. "In the following paragraphs will be examples of terrorism that was justified." Hint for your intro: don't tell me what you're going to tell me - just tell me.
- 25/11/2003
- 23:45:04
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I disagree with some of the previous comments. Your intro is fine, it's just the thesis that needs work. Make it more specific, like an argument, not stating the obvious. You use evidence to back up your points, very good. However, you could incorporate your quotes better. You don't need to use the whole sentence, you can use phrases too. Overall, good job.
- 25/11/2003
- 23:31:41
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
You used excellent concrete detail and supporting commentary, however, as an analytical peice, your thesis statement could use polishing. For example, write it in one sentence instead of three.
- 25/11/2003
- 23:25:15
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
You have evidence to support your arguments, but it's bad to use "&" as a conjunction. Write it out as "and." Try to make your thesis statement one sentence, not two. Overall, it's good for sophomore year.
- 25/11/2003
- 23:14:26
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.