Strong essay, but it would of been stronger if you weave your ideas together. Your opinion should contract and bind to each concrete idea. Maybe you can strengthen your thesis a little? Other than that, its pretty good.
- 13/04/2004
- 16:10:16
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Good Layout, but bad word choice. Thoughts are unorganized, diction is way off the line. To improve this essay, weave your opinion in a 2:1 ratio, it is as if your going 4:1. Too many subjective words are use.
- 13/04/2004
- 16:07:45
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
That is unorganized essay. It is as you tried to spark this essay up by finding those neat vocabulary words from a dictionary. Word of advice, first start off by fixing your grammar, your word choice, and your ideas are so unclear. This essay is horribly written.
- 12/04/2004
- 20:42:11
- Score: 4 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
I have read many essays written by 7th graders, but yours is a step higher than the rest; good job, word choice and thoughts are well organized.
- 10/04/2004
- 23:26:31
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
For an eighth grader, this is a well-written essay. Good Job. Thoughts and word choice fits each sentence.
- 10/04/2004
- 00:17:53
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Thesis is very dim, hardly does the rest of the essay chip to the thesis. Many thoughts are unorganized, and you tend to drift from subject to subject too often.
- 05/04/2004
- 23:57:40
- Score: 10 out of 14 people found this comment useful.
Reasonable essay, should weave more facts and opionion into the essay. Create a sort of theme that would tie everything together because it seems your thoughts are scattered.
- 02/04/2004
- 00:53:00
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Good straight out facts. This may of persuaded me to buy a Mercedes :-).
- 02/04/2004
- 00:48:13
- Score: 6 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
Its one lengthy essay, but i sure enjoyed every word of it.
- 02/04/2004
- 00:34:07
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
First of all, correct your spelling before you submit an essay where thousands of people will read. Second, your use of subjective verbs is totally wrong, your ideas do not weave together and to top it all off, some facts are not even accurate.
- 31/03/2004
- 04:24:55
- Score: 13 out of 15 people found this comment useful.
Good use of diction and how you weave your facts and opionions together.
- 31/03/2004
- 04:07:59
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
You sure persuaded me, but your essay would be stronger if your ideas interacted with one another. For instance when you describe one idea, you then jump to another.
- 31/03/2004
- 04:04:40
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
First of all, where are you going with this! Your ideas shoots in different directions, your thoughts dont come together as it should. Your too opinionated on how Irag is "justified", more facts should be weaved in.
- 31/03/2004
- 04:00:02
- Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Few fragments, many unfinished thoughts. You should juxtapose your ideas and weave more details into it. Many run-on sentences too.
- 31/03/2004
- 00:03:11
- Score: 3 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Its good how you show your feelings about "feelings" but it would be better if you fix the grammar. From what i have read, it shows you've been hurt through many run on sentences with repeated ideas.
- 30/03/2004
- 23:58:27
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Great Essay, good parallel structure leading into theme; although the essay would of been more critiqued if more commentary was weaved in.
- 30/03/2004
- 03:56:18
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.