You continually refer to Merick as 'Joseph Merrick - aka the Elephant Man'.. You only do it once and then you can refer to him as Merick OR the Elephant Man, you needn't use both. This ruins the flow of the essay for me, and I found it difficult to read despite the fact that your information was interesting and, generally, well written.
- 23/05/2004
- 06:34:56
- Score: 3 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
Great opening! A well formulated response to a movie that is generally only interpreted on a surface level. Film reviews generally lack any credibility as a writing form, but you've succeeded in writing a fantastic review that doesn't rely on the reader having viewed/not viewed the film. It's a great stand alone piece!
- 23/05/2004
- 05:18:19
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Have you considered the impact that the effect of mainstream society absorbing (certain aspects of) the punk subculture will have on the subordinate discourse? Like you said 'The marketing of the punk style contradicted the image of uniqueness and individuality'... What does this mean for anyone who is trying to achieve a unique and individual style?Not really a suggestion on how to improve your essay, which I think is fantastic, just a question that your essay inspired. Great work.
- 23/05/2004
- 02:35:26
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Your opinion is explained clearly through well structured paragraphs and is supported well by references and quotations. A very well written summary.
- 23/05/2004
- 01:35:34
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I must admit I was getting frustrated with the lack of personality coming through in the writing on cheathouse.com, but your essay was a breath of fresh air! I began to get a feel for you as a writer and enjoyed reading what you had to say, I would have loved to read more!
- 23/05/2004
- 01:29:54
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
As those who've commented before me suggested, this is fine as a summary but it lacks structure, substance and detail. Try to provide examples, opinions and facts that back up what you're saying, it gives your writing more credibility when you show that experts in the field agree with what you're writing.
- 23/05/2004
- 01:14:50
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Your essay raises some very valid points, but it is a little bland. It doesn't flow extraordinarily well, try writing in a way that is similar to the way that you speak, this is more engaging for the reader.
- 23/05/2004
- 00:53:45
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.