"we developed art, literature, and politics was allowed to expand and advance"what about science innovations?The real highlite was not necessarily art. That's just what everybody recognizes because there was a changed in culture and many artists sprung out. There was also a revision of socrates' ideas of reason and questioning. You said that art, literature and politics were develped, yet you only wrote about art.The reason that the art is noticed is because the art reflected humans more and it was more secular and away from divine ideas. There was still god, but it was not the primary center of intelligence anymore.The traditional style was the style in the middle ages(or the dark ages). In the middle ages, they depended on the Bible and spiritual ideas. They had no lost and found station, there were "miracle finders" who could sense where the missing item was. The idea of deism came too. Look it up if you care about your knowledge on the renaissance.You did not cover much about the italian renaissance. There is a lot more about it."elaborated on them bringing the artistic world into an economical boom"I do not think that there was an economic boom because of the art being more perceptual. I think the economic improved because there was an emergence of the middle class.So, yeah. You need more information, remember to analyze your stuff(ask yourself why is this fact significant).For example: The romans made roads to connect cities. To analyze it, you ask: why is this significant? How does it show that the romans were sophisticated?You take your answer and write it down. I know that it's really hard, so only do this on essays that matter. Also do not add unessessary stuff to your essay. Be sure to always stay on topic and only write stuff about your topic or to help and support it.This essay was short, but it could have been good, if you did not call it The Italian Renaissance. You could have only focused on the art."This was a time in where the core aspect of how we developed art, literature, and politics was allowed to expand and advance. "With this sentence in the intro paragraph, you bring up the argument that the renaissance was a time when art, literature, and politics was allowed to expand and advance. Do not say this if you are not going to support it. In the intro you are supposed to state facts then in the later paragraphs, say why.I hope my stuff helped you adn I hope you will use some of my advice.
- 14/12/2004
- 21:44:02
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I am pleased that you wrote about this topic. The suggestions/goals you wrote would truly help your neighborhood. You could have explained a bit more about the problems in your neighborhood though, so I can get am image of it and how bad it is.You are right, good parenting is a major, because they can give their child love and affection. When there's neglect, kids can do many crazy things. Missing parents, step parent, neglectful parents = trouble for kids. I had childhood friends who seemed normal and cool, but I noticed that their parents left them alone at home more often. I moved away and now they are investigating new stuff that their "friends" bring them. It's horrible.Anyway, I hope you get to fulfill your thingys and improve life for people in your neighborhood. Study about this topic more, get many points of views, talk to people. You will be an idol for other people for sure. Just don't get hurt.
- 14/12/2004
- 21:02:04
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
paragraph 1 sentence 1 "Black Boy is an autobiography of Richard Wright's life during a period of racism and inequality."Put at ^in North America^ or ^United States^ to tell the reader where the book takes place, because there was injustice in South Africa and many other places too.Paragraph 1 sentence 4 "Richard Wright isvery affected by racism during his time, "get rid of the veryParagraph 1 sentence 5 "this racial inequality in the south, were Richard must learn to survive in."change were to whereparagraph 2 sentence 1get rid of "a lot"paragraph 2 sentence 3change rules to ruleThere are more, but I do not feel like suggesting any more. Just read your thing over again and correct or improve sentences in structure and word use.
- 13/12/2004
- 16:32:14
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
There are punctuation errors along with grammar errors in the essay. Most of the punctuation errors are missing commas.There should be a bibliography somewhere too.I think this sentence "The movement Rosa Parks started caused the Civil Rights act of 1964 to be passed and the Voting Rights act of 1965." should start the beginning of a new paragraph.
- 13/12/2004
- 16:13:18
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
"The British motives were only economical."That is not true. The British set up some colonies too. The Portuguese were the ones who only set up trading ports. Also, you could mention something about the diseases that the europeans brought more.
- 09/12/2004
- 15:52:21
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This is an original topic to me, since I never heard of it.You wrote "The real debate doesn't rely on whether mothers or not should have abortions, but rather should they... "It should be: The real debate does not rely on whether mothers should or should not have abortions, but rather, should they ...Statistic is spelled wrong and try to avoid contractions like, don't, weren't, couldn't, wouldn't.The french disabled kids story is funny.Bibliography would have been nice.
- 08/12/2004
- 23:24:00
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
The essay gave me new information, so I liked it; but you could have talked about the laws that help rape victims, instead of only stating the bad ones.I agree with you about the idea that the laws should be more fair for the victims.You should have put a bibliography somewhere so I know where to find information about the stuff you spoke about.
- 08/12/2004
- 22:11:33
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.