User Details For: ligtelyn

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  • CPRS

    Fist we are told we have a silent killer: CPRSThen "There is no doubt that cell phone radiation causes damage..."Yet the essay goes on to raise doubt!We are told that ionizing radiation is harmful and non-ionizing radiation is relatively safe. Then we are told the few studies that have been done are showing cell phones emit non-ionizing radiation, the relatively safe (whatever that means) radiation.Well, are they safe or dangerous? It seems more studies should be encouraged rather than the proclamation that they are dangerous beyond doubt.What is a radiation block? How does it work?What are the sources for the information in the essay? It is necessary when writing a scientific essay to cite studies, facts and sources.
    • 14/06/2004
    • 13:37:01
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Abortion: Jesus...

    It is a well written unfair persuasion or personal persuasive essay.While basically a rebuttal to an essay that defines abortion as murder, it also looks at religion's influence on government.You might have cited the essay you were rebutting.Your opinions are well thought out and organized.
    • 13/06/2004
    • 20:40:48
    • Score: 10 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
  • Pro life, pro choice-suggestions

    The case for pro-life should be exclusively pro-life and not contain pro-choice arguments, likewise the same idea for pro-choice arguments.After making the case for each side,you may want to have each side respond to the other's view points.This will help keep the essay objective until it comes time for your personal beliefs.Great research and documentation. It just needs a little reworking and editing. With so much information to manage, an outline would aid you in assembling the essays.Best regards
    • 13/06/2004
    • 19:34:17
    • Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Torture

    There are so many flaws with this essay, I don't know where to begin.This essay uses unfair persuasion and impassioned emotional appeals instead of real examples, facts and case studies.It poses many leading and rhetorical questions.This essay is factually flawed. One example: 6000+ Americans dead as a result of 9/11 (paragraph 10).The count is roughly 3,380. http://people.howstuffworks.com/sept-eleven3.htmIn the first paragraph, the essay posits that torture should be used as a tool "...by responsible Governments to save lives..." yet nowhere in the essay does he define a responsible government.The last sentence has no relevance to the essay.I suggest that the author do a little research. Find some examples where torture has been used successfully to save lives and to discover information of past crimes, what specific techniques have been used in discovering information, what assurances can be made to the public that the use of torture will not be abused, and suggest a criteria for determining which governments will be allowed to responsibly use torture for interrogation. Give information backed by facts and reasonable assurances if you really want to be fair and prsuasive in your argument.
    • 13/06/2004
    • 19:09:00
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Aggression

    This essay seems to be miscategorized. It would fit better under sociology rather than creative writing.A little research and citings of studies will transform this into a fantastic essay.It is not true that aggression is found within all cultures.Research the Semai people of Malaya. Their children are raised without corporal punishment, adults do not hit each other, they have no need of a police force, and there is zero evidence of a murder among them. Robert Knox Dentan has lived among the Semai, researched and written extensively about them.If it is human nature for all people to be aggressive, then the Semai have peacfully triumphed over that nature through culture and education. Further study of the Semai would support your hopeful assertion in paragraph four that "...humans can in the right circumstances and with the appropriate training be kinder to one another."Best regards!
    • 13/06/2004
    • 18:03:29
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Death Penalty

    The Main idea seemed to be 1-that the death penalty should be abolished because of the false conviction rate and 2- it\'s morally wrong to execute even when the conviction is accurate. The second part does not appear in the opening sentences. It should, otherwise it seems like a tangent stick into the middle of the essay.You asked the reader if he would kill an innocent person. Later in the essay you say \" By using the death penalty the courts become as bad as the people they are trying to prosecute.\" Well, what about if you asked the reader if he would kill a guilty person? You made this a personal question in the opening sentence, but depersonalised it in the essay.On a personal note, I was talking to a born-again Christian that surprised me because she was very much in favor of the death penalty. I asked her if she would personally execute the condemned, if she would kill the convicted. She responded in the negative. When I asked her why not, she said \"Because that would be killing.\"
    • 13/06/2004
    • 12:02:43
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Maquiladoras

    Well researched and well written.I am glad to see you didn't skimp on investigation and personally interviewed ten persons for this article.The essay flowed nicely and the statistics were cited in an interesting way.Great bibiography.
    • 13/06/2004
    • 01:20:31
    • Score: 12 out of 14 people found this comment useful.
  • Divorce

    Although I rated this essay highly, that doesn't mean it is without faults.It appears to have gone through a spell check, but that will not catch the improper use of "there" instead of "their."The grammar needs a little attention as well.The third paragraph needs a little reworking, specifically the awkward redundancy of references to "large amounts of money."These are minor things that a little editing with a clear mind can rectify.
    • 13/06/2004
    • 00:41:06
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Lord of the Flies

    Fantastic essay. I somewhat disagree with a comment by another reviewer:"Golding did not have much faith in human nature and felt that society would deteriorate into anarchy without rules to constrain conduct"Rules do not necessarily keep us civil.I believe that empathy and reason are essential to keeping us civil.Ralph had empathy and cared about all the boys, especially the peaceful, thoughtful, reflective and sweet little Simon. Ralph wanted to do the right and caring thing and used logic to protect the boys and to better effect a rescue.Jack had no empathy but vied for authority. He used fear, intimidation and coercion to get many of the boys to follow him. Without empathy, he lost focus on the desire for a rescue and instead became obsessed with hunting for meat and then killing for protection. He also lacked reason an logic, resulting in the death of the peaceful Simon instead of the imagined beast.Again, great essay!
    • 13/06/2004
    • 00:28:41
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Position Essay

    Easy and enjoyable to read. Thank you for posting your references and for citing the statistics to begin with.I have friends in the music industry that have toured in Europe. They have no problem with their music being shared for free online, for it gives them publicity. They claim that they do not really make their money from their music, but from merchadise such as T-shirts and posters.Well done!
    • 12/06/2004
    • 23:47:37
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Suggestions

    Sorry, I cannot concur with the other reviewers, however if you plan to submit this for a grade, my suggestions will help improve your grade.You need to edit out the awkward verbosity and redundancy. Perhaps you have a "certain number of words requirement." In that case, edit for clarity and then add quotes from the book for padding.At first when you introduce Boo Hadley, one might easily belive him to be a literal mockingbird. Then you give a description that you denounce as inaccurate "evil rumors." It would be better for you to directly quote the description and describe the context it was given in.You wrote that Tom Robinson is convicted of rape. In the same paragraph you write that the newspaper editor "condemns Tom's death as a senseless murder..." without ever saying how or why Tom died.If you would reread your essay through the eyes of someone that hasn't read the book (this is key to editing your own work), take into consideration the suggestions I and others on this forum have made, and edit and rewrite your essay, you should receive a much better grade!Best wishes!
    • 12/06/2004
    • 23:36:32
    • Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Suggestions

    Just a couple of comments. I would have the opening paragraph longer and the conclusion shorter (perhaps even a swap of the two with a little editing).The order of the body of the essay should follow the outline in the opening paragraph. For example, if I were to use the opening paragraph and minimal editing I would move a sentence to outline the order of the essay ( the moved sentence is between the asterisks):Pregnancy is normally thought of as a time for joy and celebration. However, not all couples get to experience it quite that way. *Miscarriage is much more common than one would think* and for many couples, their joy and celebration are cut short when they are devastated by the loss a miscarriage brings. This loss is felt and handled uniquely by each partner. However, miscarriage is much more common than one would think, and there are resources available to help these couples through this traumatic event.
    • 12/06/2004
    • 22:37:02
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Suggestions for Essay on gender

    The body of the essay did not follow the theme of the purpose in the first paragraph. Yes, there was a little bit of genetics versus social conditioning and their affects on gender differences, but many of the paragraphs that followed went on about things not even hinted at in the opening paragraph: descrimination, sexism, inequality and the responsibilities of social workers to deal with these situations.I suggest that the opening paragraph be rewritten to state the main idea of the essay and outline the points the essay will make. After following with the body of the essay, a little paragraph at the end for a conclusion.
    • 12/06/2004
    • 22:16:47
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Process of Digestion and Absorption after eating a hamburger.

    Interesting, easy and fun to read. Needs some minor editing for grammar/spelling.It reads like an information pamphlet. I can see the illustrations in my mind's eye.Where's the bibliography?Only one question remains...how does the body dispose of it? That's the topic for another essay.
    • 09/06/2004
    • 00:31:29
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Causes and Consequences of the great depression

    This sound more like an answer on a test or an opening paragraph to an essay.It's well written, but needs more paragraphs to explain what the causes were, not merely list them.Are there any sources that were used to gather the information? It would help support supposed facts to have st least a bibliography.I suggest writing more and resubmtting.
    • 09/06/2004
    • 00:21:26
    • Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Laying a Foundation

    Well written, well researched and well thought out. Sounded reasonable and convincing.I too believe that once a child has a foundation of reading, writing and math, the doors of knowledge are open wide.At first I thought tha Bible verse at the beginning was an illustrative curio, but the last paragraph snuck in a reference to Bible studies. Rather than sneaking in "Biblical studies" in the last paragraph, it should somehow be included in the opening paragraph as well.
    • 09/06/2004
    • 00:09:39
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Social Bore to Crack Whore: The Evolution of a Drug Addict

    I really liked the abundance of hardcore historical facts and the cited sources.I was a little disappointed that the article did not live up to sensationalism of the title. While the title is enticing and concise, the essay was at times a little verbose and I had to reread it in parts.I suggest the closing paragraph is really two paragraphs and should be separated so the final paragraph ties in better with the opening one.The essay has great potential, I think it just needs some editing. I know how difficult it is to edit my own work and how easy it seems to be to edit someone else's, that's why I haven't yet posted an essay!
    • 08/06/2004
    • 23:16:44
    • Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.