User Details For: interestedmind

Essay List
Comments List
  • Not bad

    You might want to check out how to make a proper thesis statement. You don't have one at all which makes a paper seem weak. Also, the words "in conclusion" weaken any paper a lot. The reader should know that it's the conclusion by the content, you should not have to tell them.~Katy
    • 25/11/2004
    • 09:14:43
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • For one paragraph good

    For one paragraph this is a good read. I think that you could have said a lot more on this topic and think that you should expand it. One more thing, it's pretty much a wide spread "known" that the words "in conclusion" are a no no... They weaken any paper. Avoid using them. Nonetheless, for one paragraph this is very good insight for anyone to take into consideration.~Katy
    • 25/11/2004
    • 09:11:58
    • Score: 8 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
  • Interesting

    I'm glad that i read this essay. To tell you the truth, when you messaged me saying something about Neds I had no clue what you were talking about. lol. In the U.S., if they are white, we call them white trash.... if they aren't white im not sure what we call them.. lol. very nice essay, made me laugh out loud (seriously) a few times.~Katy
    • 25/11/2004
    • 06:09:45
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay

    You use a lot of great facts and your structure is great. This is one of the 1st essays that I have read that didn't have spelling errors in it :-). i like it.~Katy
    • 24/11/2004
    • 16:04:47
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice intro

    your into really caught my attention! I like this piece! It kind of reminds me of Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe a little bit. Nice job~Katy
    • 24/11/2004
    • 12:11:01
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice essay

    I really like your introduction. It could have had a better thesis, but nonetheless a great attention grabber. Good job of coneying your thoughts!~Katy
    • 24/11/2004
    • 08:14:46
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Good thoughts

    your thoughts were good but you could have done a little better job of proof reading, or having someone else proof read for you. some of the grammar is incorrect and your intro should grab a little more attention than it did. but nice thoughts over all~Katy
    • 24/11/2004
    • 08:10:54
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay

    Your thoughts are well dictated here. Maybe try working on your introduction and conclussion a little bit. The intro should really grab the readers attention, and the conclusion should do no more than wrap the paper up in a creative way. Your conclusion was a little long and drawn out. Something to take note of, if your conclusion is longer than any other paragraph in your paper, you might want to shorten it or lengthen the rest of the bodying paragraphs~Katy
    • 24/11/2004
    • 08:06:22
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Once again great work!

    I don't know what else to say besides awesome! You really know how to catch the readers attention and draw them into what they are reading. Great work!~Katy
    • 21/11/2004
    • 18:28:31
    • Score: 37 out of 43 people found this comment useful.
  • Very well done

    Good intro! It really informs the reader as to what your essay will be about. I do have to hand it to you, not many people's essay that I read have a good set up. Your essay has great structure as well as well defined paragraphs. The only thing that I can see "wrong" with this essay is that your very 1st sentence says "In this essay, I would like to discuss one ..." As this is a matter of personal preference, I suppose, I see this as being a weakness in an essay. If the reader cannot figure out for himself what the essay is about or going to be about by the remainder of the introduction then it is not very well written. In your case the essay is well defined and the intro tells exactly what the rest of the text is about. You don't really need to be up front with that, they can see. Awesome essay!~katy
    • 21/11/2004
    • 13:22:03
    • Score: 38 out of 42 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    Although I still don't full understand what the C++ language means, for someone who even has a little insight I'm sure this essay was very insightful. You do a good job in writing with your heart. I can tell that you did you did your research. A little minor criticism. I'm not sure if this was maybe an asignment and you were told how to arrange your thoughts, but from an english writing stand-point labeling what the next paragraph/section is about shows a sign of weakness to the piece of writing. You explain yourself well, you don't need to tell people what it is you are explaining. If you were not told how to set up your paper, make sure you have more confidence in your writing. Trust me, people know what your next thought means by reading it. Good job.~Katy
    • 21/11/2004
    • 10:35:17
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Hmmm

    Not a bad essay overall but a few minor things that you might want to work on. Your intorduction is well thought out but towers over the rest of your bodying and closing paragraphs. It's nice to have diverity in the lengths and structure of your paragraphs as well as sentences but your introduction is 1/3 of your paper and you have a total of 7 paragraphs. Either sum up your intro or elaborate more on the body text (which could be done easily). Another thing dealing with structure. All of your body paragraphs start with a "step." Like i said diversity is a good thing. There are other ways to show that what takes place in your paragraph is also the next step to the problem. You can even say "fifth step" somewhere else in the paragraph, but it shouldn't be the beginning of each section. You used 1st person a tiny bit in this essay. I dont think that's the best thing to do when writing an analysis. Despite my minor criticism, your essay was well done. Round off a few rough edges in your writing and it will be awesome.~Katy
    • 21/11/2004
    • 10:26:30
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Job

    It's interesting to see a very well written essay without a bold thesis statement. Not many people can pull it off, but you did a great job. I like this essay. Your essay is one of few that I have truly enjoyed reading. Thanks!~Katy
    • 21/11/2004
    • 09:31:23
    • Score: 33 out of 34 people found this comment useful.
  • Needs help

    Having gone through an 11th grade english class where we learned a lot about Emliy Dickinson I understand this topic. Seeing as your essay title is "Who is emily dickinson.How do you feel about her writings?" I would imagine that you would give a little more insight on who she was as a person. You might want to talk about how she was an antisocialist, and depressed. She locked herself in her room anytime guests came over and only talked to one person her whole life. She was forced into showing her poems to someone and even then she only showed a few. The rest were not found until after her death, leaving us with only an echo of her voice. This essay could have been written a lot better.. it needs to be longer in order to get your thoughts across. and in writing always remember, no one knows what you mean except yourself. Always explain as if the person reading has no background (unless otherwise told in instruction given by your teacher)~Katy
    • 20/11/2004
    • 19:17:03
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    you did a great job of being unbiased. i know its hard sometimes to not let your own views on a certain topic show through in writing but you seemed to overcome that very well. you also did a great job of finding resources that backed up what you were trying to say. the only problem that i saw in the essay is that it looks as though you didnt proof read. there are some areas where you could have used better words and your grammar needs improvement. other than that great job!~Katy
    • 19/11/2004
    • 12:37:22
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Proof read

    This essay is not too bad for being 3 paragraphs long. As a person who has never read this book, I think a few things should be explained a little bit more if you're trying to give a synopsis of the story (which is what it looks like). For example, the reader of this essay might not know anything about "the college" that you are referring to. Is it his college (does he own it), is it a college in the neighborhood? what? Little things like that sometimes slip our minds when we are writing essays, just because we already know what it is referring to. Don't forget that you are writing this for someone else, not for yourself. You already know about the story. In order to inform, even if it is only supposed to be minimum information, the information you give needs to be explained. Other than that there are a few spelling errors that you should check before turning an essay in for example you said "morcover." Instead I think you meant moreover. minor mistake but when you're being grade the minor mistakes add up. There are also a few grammar mistakes. Overall not a bad short essay. I think you could expand this essay a lot and make it a very well written essay.
    • 18/11/2004
    • 13:35:18
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • AWESOME

    Wow I really like this. Your introduction really caught my attention!
    • 17/11/2004
    • 12:01:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay

    You do a good job of getting your thoughts across. I think your conclusion is too long tho. Your introduction and all of your body paragraphs are half the size. It might be better to end your paper with something that ties all of them together instead of starting a new idea.
    • 16/11/2004
    • 16:56:31
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good thoughts

    You have very good thoughts here but maybe try to work on your sentence structure. Some of your sentences seem too long. Run on sentences tend to detract from the readers attention
    • 16/11/2004
    • 16:54:06
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Length?

    I agree with your position but I can't help but think that this would be an amazing essay if more facts were incorporated and if the text as a whole was lengthened. Your thoughts and ideas show great potential which is why I'm giving this essay and average rating, but with more time and thought involved in it, this essay could go beyond just "good."~Katy
    • 14/11/2004
    • 20:06:49
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree but...

    I agree strongly with what you have written and it brings a smile to my face to see other people out there standing up for the right thing even when others are bashing the topic. I enjoyed reading this essay but I do think that in writing an essay that using the word "I" shows a small weakness, as well as the word "conclude"/ "conclusion"... "I" shows that the opinion is yours which people should already know when reading a persuasive essay and stating that the conclusion is the conclusion might say that the reader wouldnt know it was the conclusion without it being stated. THEY SHOULD. and in your essay I would known without those words, but it seems you werent confident in your writing. other than that your thoughts were awesome and I loved it.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 19:20:16
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Another Psychiatrist?

    I know this essay was about "psychiatrists", but there is a great over-use of the word. Try to get the point out there that the essay is on a certain subject without over-emphasizing one word.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:44:44
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Notes

    This essay seems to take on the formation of notes or an outline. Essays should be read easily and without need of explination. You should not have to say "conclusion" in order for the reader to know it is in fact the conclusion.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:40:12
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Structure

    In this essay the structure needs to be looked at. Although all of the thoughts are clear, the paragrphs could have included the phrases that seem to almost be bulleted. It might look like it is easier to read by placing them in their own area, but it would be more effective to combine the sentences into a paragraph form.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:37:02
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Where are the paragraphs?

    Any essay, big or small, needs to have some type of structure. This essay needs paragraphs. It is much too long to be a one paragraph essay, and also has too many ideas and should be broken into sections.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:33:58
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • The use of "I"

    This essay was very thorough but the word choices may be a problem. For instance, the word "I" should be used very sparingly if at all in any type of essay. Even though an essay may contain your own thoughts, and they are just your opinion, you should portray them as fact and then prove them through facts that you have found... Support your thoughts and be aggresive.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:31:12
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Thesis

    A thesis in a paper is a very important thing. Although this essay has a thesis, I believe it could have been used in a more effective manner. The body of this text should contain more paragraphs or more proof within the paragraphs that prooves the thesis.~interestedmind
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:24:50
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Conclusion

    This essay was written well up until the conclusion. In writing a conclusion it is nice to tie all loose ends of the paper together as well as give your opinion on the topic. **BIGGIE** don't use the same word to start off every sentence. In the conclusion of this paper the word "I" was used too frequently. Make your paper diverse.
    • 14/11/2004
    • 11:02:29
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Suggestion to consider

    This essay does a great job of explaining what the story "Miss Brill" is about. One suggestion that I have though, is that in writing essays it is important to be make your point without saying "i have made my point." Try not to use the phrase "in conclusion." Also, in the body of the text it's always nice to vary structure of paragraphs and sentences. Maybe for a shorter essay (which this is) only 1 tarting off with a "next step" type of sentence and in a longer essay between 1 and 3. Readers stay more focused when the essay draws them in different thought directions (leading to the main point of the writing).~interstedmind
    • 14/11/2004
    • 10:52:57
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.