Overall your essay seems to be very well organized. Its just that in our school our conclusions aren't suppose to be in first person. You sort of just switch to first person after being aloof for the first 4 paragraphs, so it's kind of wierd.
- 15/08/2005
- 13:46:52
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I think this is an excellent essay. I especially like the sinbad reference. You've got an interesting thesis and you support it with lots of information.
- 22/02/2005
- 21:55:51
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
but it could be developed. It's a good introduction paragraph. I hope there'll be more to the essay.
- 22/02/2005
- 21:44:58
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Very interesting and informative essay. It's structured very neatly and you support your points with pretty convincing evidence. Great job!
- 22/02/2005
- 21:18:19
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
ICC is Interstate Commerce Commission... not Cnternational Criminal Court. That doesnt really come around until after WWII
- 22/02/2005
- 21:13:09
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
This is an excellent essay. You have a very complex thesis and a very good argument. I cannot believe how eloquent all of your sentences are! This is very inspirational, and has a very deep analysis of the text. Wow.
- 26/01/2005
- 15:22:52
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This is such a well-structured essay. You have a wonderful introduction and thesis, which you support with strong facts and superb citing! It's very inspiring!
- 26/01/2005
- 13:17:07
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
You might as well cut out the "Native American" in your title, because your piece doesn't mention anything about them. Otherwise, it's very informative about health. However, it doesnt seem to be creative writing...(or am I being nuts. Its just that I thought creative writing was short stories and poems) Your's seems to be more of a descriptive/analytical essay.
- 24/01/2005
- 19:49:36
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I think your essay demonstrates good structure and has clear supporting points. However, it could use more transition phrases, to connect them better. You've got great sentence variation as well! I really like the personality you put into the essay, although our teacher tells us not to use first tense in essays,.. but I guess it may be different depending on the assignment.
- 24/01/2005
- 18:33:55
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Overall, it seems like a very good, well thought out essay. I just don't think you mention enough about physics and how it relates to skatebording. Don't get me wrong, I do see the words like momentum, and friction, but you many want to also add in stuff like rotational motion, and conservation of momentum, and speed and velocity. I'm assumming that you won't really get into physics until high school, so it's excusable if you havent really been taught physics.
- 24/01/2005
- 18:07:42
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.