"Another teacher was one of my teachers in high school was a named Mrs. Burdon and her named fit her because it you had her class you had a burden on your hands." this sentence is awkward on a number of counts. it gets worse from here.
- 31/03/2005
- 02:45:46
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I just looked at the grade level. This is pathetic. By college you should be able to write much better than this. I don't know how you received 84% for it. I'm glad I'm not going to your college. Talk about grade inflation. Sheesh.
- 31/03/2005
- 02:34:50
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
"One of the worlds leading operator of luxury hotels in business for the last thirty years Four Seasons is successful due to exceptional personal customer service, adhering to standards, at the same time adopting to local customs and blending with the environment."this would be better as:One of the world's leading operators of luxury hotels, and in business for the last thirty years, Four Seasons is successful due to exceptional personal customer service and adhering to standards, while at the same time adopting to local customs and blending with the environment."The Four Seasons Hotel adheres firmly to its standards, according to the hotel management its standards are the foundations for all its properties, and every manager in the hotel has a clear perception of what the standards are, and they adhere to them, over a period of time these standards shape relationships between people and these relationships contribute in building a culture."This is just one long run-on sentence. Ditto for the next paragraph. Periods and semicolons are wonderful things.The has in the 5th paragraph should be have.The article "The" doesn't have a human resource rule."the employees takes" should be the employees take.Four Seasons should be capitalized throughout."The way four seasons entered the French market is one of the best ways to do business a business should adopt to the local cultures and blend in the environment, people are generally not that much in favor of a change and if you blend with the local environment the local community will adapt to the new business in the area and things will go smooth. The hired a French interior designer whose policy was to make the guest rediscover the hotel and make them feel how much better the new redesigned place was."should be:The way the Four Seasons entered the French market is one of the best ways to do business. A business should adapt to/adopt the local cultures and blend in with the environment. People are generally not that much in favor of a change; if you blend with the local environment the local community will adapt to the new business in the area and things will go smoothly. They hired a French interior designer whose policy was to make the guest rediscover the hotel and make them feel how much better the new redesigned place was."They had issues in adhering to the French labor laws. It's a country with strong unions[.] [I]n short lots was different in what goes on in US so the firm had to change its way of working. In France they have an emotional way of doing things[.] [T]he French did not take the company's golden rule seriously[;] they thought it was too American. They had an incredible pride in being French. The good thing about [the] French is [that] they can be very joyous and encouraging[;] but at the same time French temper also lashes out."I don't understand what you mean with this sentence "It all ended up to how the four seasons came in to France was almost as important in what Four Seasons did.""I would say they way..." should be I would say the way..."The way four seasons done business across the globe according to the policy of Diversity and Strength their belief in diversity and singularity should be a guide to any business entering the global market. Look at the case of McDonald its almost uniform and unique all over the world, now in its vision this mite be the good thing about it but people are generally not that easy to adopt to new tastes, if a community favors more spicy food then for starters they mite visit a McDonald restaurant for a change but in the long run they mite avoid it. Same goes if it sells food that is not consumed in that community no one is going to buy it."should be:The way the Four Seasons has done business across the globe according to the policy of Diversity and Strength and their belief in diversity and singularity should be a guide to any business entering the global market. Look at the case of McDonald's: its almost uniform and unique all over the world. Now in its vision this might be the good thing about it but people are generally not that easy to adopt to new tastes. If a community favors more spicy food then for starters they might visit a McDonald's restaurant for a change but in the long run they might avoid it. Same goes if it sells food that is not consumed in that community: no one is going to buy itYou need to edit your essays. This was full of grammar errors. You also don't mention Paris or France in a meaningful way until halfway through your essay. I lost track of the topic.I don't know what the previous commentors were thinking. Sorry to be harsh, but I call them as I see them.
- 31/03/2005
- 02:30:45
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
"The situation in Manchuria was similar." similar to what? This is reflexive. It must refer to something else but nothing else is there."The Japanese were anxious to escape from the depression." what depression?"With the depression, countries became selfish and cared more about themselves than world peace." again, what depression?I realize that the depression thing could be seen as general knowledge but you really should provide more background.Having taken AP European History I would say that this essay would get you a 2 possibly 3 out of 5 on the AP test.
- 31/03/2005
- 02:08:09
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
"I starting thinking," "is describes," poor grammar. This essay is very scattered and doesn't have any flow. It seems as if it were written as stream of consciousness. If this was your intent then great. Otherwise this essay is poor. You should try outlining before you write and using a grammar checker such is found in MS Word.
- 31/03/2005
- 01:55:20
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
this isn't an essay. this is someone's vocabulary homework.
- 31/03/2005
- 01:42:02
- Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
" an Athenian soldiers" This is poor grammar. I don't know what grade level this is but it is a very weak coverage of the topic. It seems that you wrote this essay after reasearching for 15 or 20 minutes on Google. This is a very poor term paper and could serve as a rough outline for a developed paper.
- 31/03/2005
- 01:38:47
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
this is a good poem. I can really relate to it. It brings out emotion in the reader. The one thing I would suggest a change in is the tempo. After, "School is out for the day," the tempo speeds up. It would be nice if there were more of a transition back to slow. The "we attempt to dispose..." line is rather long compared to previous lines. Softening it would be nice. Still, very nice poem.
- 31/03/2005
- 01:29:03
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This isn't bad for a 10th grade paper. I think it could be improved by more in depth analysis, particularly of the justice system. A two sentence paragraph just looks bad in an essay of this length. I like where the last paragraph of your essay is going but that is the problem. It is going somewhere. The last paragraph should conclude. You either need to write more about real life mockingbirds and write a new conclusion or make your conclusion refer back to the rest of the essay.Generally speaking it is frowned upon to put concrete details and references to new information in a conclusion. It really should just be a summary of what you have said, a reference to your thesis, and then a final culminating sentence which engages the reader and makes them think more about your topic. Your last sentence does make me think but the disconnect of the second sentence of your last paragraph detracts from it.I think that you probably got a lot more out of this book than you show in your essay. All of the references back to the text are nice, but if your teacher has any sense then he/she will also value your connecting the book to the real world. I really think that you should do more writing about real life mockingbirds in another essay. I'm kicking myself that I didn't do that as a topic two years ago when I read the book for LA class.
- 31/03/2005
- 01:13:05
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.