Not too bad for a high school essay.It could have been improved by gathering up your main points and structuring your paragraphs around them. (ie. One paragraph on dropping an atomic bomb saved lives and one on that the dropping of the atomic bomb served as a disincentive to drop an atomic bomb ever again.)Alot of the essay was wasted on narration. Sticking to two clear paragraphs might help you to stick to analysis not narrative.The first point is a bit of a classic. At the same time it is easy to question it's legitimacy. By doing this you can make your analysis more complete. I personally think that the dropping of these two bombs saved American lives at the expense of Japanese lives.
- 09/10/2005
- 00:28:06
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Greamreap,The use of pronouns in academic writing is now considered to be acceptable.You might want to watch out for high school teachers, but later in life don't restrict yourself unnecessarily.
- 08/10/2005
- 02:56:33
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Sorry I couldn't tell you why you got a negative rating... ?
- 08/10/2005
- 02:44:21
- Score: 2 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
A really interesting essay.It is not badly written, but needs tweaking. Overuse of brackets and run on sentences make this essay hard to follow.
- 07/10/2005
- 02:17:58
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
In answer to Kier's question.I am very glad that I didn't have to address the issue of the future in this essay because I think that such a thing is very difficult to speculate on.In any case I take a fairly optomistic view of the situation.I think that in the case of the North Korean regime collapsing the two countries may very well reunite.I don't feel that this decision will be guided too strongly by economic factors. We can see from the strong government policies surrounding reunification that it really is an important matter to the Korean people. I also remember reading an article suggesting that if the two halves of the country were to reunite that this would give them various economic benefits that would enable them to compete with Japan more effectively. (Sorry I am a bit vague on this point) This has something to do with the importation of raw materials and the different type of economy existing in the North and South.In regards to the military, I do not think the two sides of the country will go to war in order to achieve reunification. I'm also not sure that it has been conclusively proven that North Korea is developing or actually has nuclear weapons.As for loathing the capitalist system, I can't imagine that such a thing would last very long once these "brain washed" people ecounter the more successful South.Nevertheless, if the division continues for too long I think the Korean may very well forget about reunification and begin to think of themselves as two people.....it's a difficult question which my professor was loathed to answer.
- 05/10/2005
- 01:55:40
- Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.