User Details For: longbeach_03

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  • ...

    I think that you should start out your intro by gradually leading your reader to your claim instead of going straight to your claim.
    • 13/10/2002
    • 01:36:34
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • ....

    I like your intro but I think you should try to use other forms of words. For example, you used the word fragile in two consecutive senteces. It would sound better if you change it. Also you shouldn't write on your essay about what you will be discussing in the next couple of paragraphs. It doesn't sound like a formal essay that way.
    • 13/10/2002
    • 01:25:18
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.