There are a few missing words and incomplete sentences. Overall a nice job.
- 09/10/2006
- 10:49:27
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Nicely done! This paper makes solid assertions while backing them up with statistics. It segways nicely from one point to another. Great job.
- 29/09/2006
- 13:00:20
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I recommend using more statistics to back up some of your claims. For instance, when you say, "Many people are killed or seriously injured by firearms which are improperly stored", it would be nice to see some hard numbers to drive the point home.
- 28/09/2006
- 16:13:50
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Strong essay, clear points. I recommend avoiding the term "certain" as in the first paragraph, it's too vague and passive. Good job!
- 14/08/2006
- 11:18:55
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
You hit all the major points and broke down the simulation well. I would avoid using the words "in conclusion" to start your conclusion.
- 02/06/2006
- 11:26:02
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Good paper. It explains the process well. It's written in a very talkative style, which can be good. I think the intro and conclusion could use some more "meat".
- 04/05/2006
- 19:30:13
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.