User Details For: SunshineGirl

Essay List
Comments List
  • Good Content - Check for typos

    There are a few missing words and incomplete sentences. Overall a nice job.
    • 09/10/2006
    • 10:49:27
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Very well written, informative paper

    Nicely done! This paper makes solid assertions while backing them up with statistics. It segways nicely from one point to another. Great job.
    • 29/09/2006
    • 13:00:20
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • More statistics and less passive voice

    I recommend using more statistics to back up some of your claims. For instance, when you say, "Many people are killed or seriously injured by firearms which are improperly stored", it would be nice to see some hard numbers to drive the point home.
    • 28/09/2006
    • 16:13:50
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Thoughtfully written

    Strong essay, clear points. I recommend avoiding the term "certain" as in the first paragraph, it's too vague and passive. Good job!
    • 14/08/2006
    • 11:18:55
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good work

    You hit all the major points and broke down the simulation well. I would avoid using the words "in conclusion" to start your conclusion.
    • 02/06/2006
    • 11:26:02
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Good paper. It explains the process well. It's written in a very talkative style, which can be good. I think the intro and conclusion could use some more "meat".
    • 04/05/2006
    • 19:30:13
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.