I think if I'm not wrong this is a report, not an essay. Either that or an extremely long essay. The writer has done thorough research on the subject and it shows in the report. Though I'm not sure if wikipedia can be quoted as a reliable website.
- 04/09/2006
- 03:06:05
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
The freewrite was pretty good, complex yet understandable. The story, even better. Kudos to you! Continue the story if possible :)
- 27/08/2006
- 07:55:46
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
If I were asked to mark this report, I'd give it a 60 purely due to its use of english - grammatical errors especially and premature language use eg. "some children may be naughty, but they are not really bad children". More obvious ones would be "They may learn to resort to violence and become against teachers". Ideas were not conveyed clearly and insights and reflections only prodded at the surface i.e. not deep enough. To correct grammatical errors in the short term, typing it in Microsoft word first would help a lot, although its not really advisable in the long run. For language use, the author could read widely and pick up point in the process.
- 26/08/2006
- 23:51:07
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
While this essay attempts to show the reader what alcohol abuse with respect to young people is all about, it fails in many aspects. Firstly, the introduction to a good essay should define the topic and its key words. For this essay, the term alcohol abuse, and young people was not defined. Does the author refer to young people as those below 35? 30? 20? The age limit was not clear."The opposition of the law on the drinking age should be revised..." The opposition should be revised? What does that mean? If i'm not wrong, the author means to say that the law itself should be revised. There are more of these errors in language use throughout this essay that are just too many to list. Overall, the points that the author wants to make isn't conveyed clearly to the reader and reading this essay is at times, befuddling. I urge the author to plan, and rewrite the essay, revising his sentence structure and language use in the process. I believe this essay has the potential to develop into a good one if given adequate thought, reflected upon well, and deeper insights are communicated to the reader.
- 26/08/2006
- 20:38:28
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.