User Details For: NiZmo311

Essay List

No Essays.


Comments List
  • Try harder next time

    Drinking and driving do not mix. That is a fact. Unfortunately, however, many of these real life experiences and stories that teachers, parents, and other authority figures have tried to shove down teenagers throats to try and keep them from drinking have realy not had that much of an effect. Today, most teenagers are aware of consequences of drinking and driving; they just simply do it anyway. There is nothing that sets this story aside from any other cheesy anti-drinking story. This might make a few people think they are touched for half a period or so, but it is not going to do much more than that. I really dont believe that this generic story is going to end drinking and driving. If that is your goal, then try writing something that does not sound like every other "don't drink and drive" story that i've heard.
    • 03/06/2003
    • 21:09:47
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree

    I agree. Whenever someone cares so much about something that they are willing to knowingly die for it, there are no limits on the carnage that they might ensue.
    • 11/02/2003
    • 18:01:50
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Argument?

    Well... I personally dont agree with the drinking age being 21, but I couldn't really find your argument. All that you basically said was that if the drinking age was lowered to 18 and a curfew was instituted for those under 21 it would magically solve all of our problems. Then, wouldn't 18-20 year olds speed home drunk to try and make curfew? You never explain why this would really solve the problem. This is a highly debatable topic and I have heard many good arguments for lowering the drinking age. I think that you need to sit down and think about the issue further and develop a more logical and solid argument or further explain why your argument would solve the problem.
    • 10/02/2003
    • 22:28:55
    • Score: 11 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
  • Passive Voice

    The first sentence in this essay uses the passive voice. This voice continues throughout the essay, but switches several times to the active voice. I think that in this essay you should avoid the passive voice altogether.
    • 10/02/2003
    • 22:17:36
    • Score: 13 out of 14 people found this comment useful.
  • Just a few things you might consider adding

    After reading your essay, I though of a few things you might add to increase your argument. First of all you might mention the fact that when marijuana was made illegal, most people weren't even smoking it. Still, the timber companies lobbied to make it illegal. You might wonder why the timber companies would be interested in such a thing. This is probably because hemp, the stalk of the marijuana plant, is a very viable industrial product that can replace wood in many instances. You might mention the positive effects of indusrial hemp, and medical marijuana. Also you might want to visit http://www.cures-not-wars.org/DWCrack.html. This sight mentions how U.S. drug war policies have actually increased usage of harder drugs and caused cocaine prices to fall from five times their current price while marijuana has actually become 10 times as expensive. Just a thought.
    • 06/01/2003
    • 23:02:16
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Fragment

    "Using their gang connections on the streets." This is a sentence fragment. You might consider combining this with the previous sentence.
    • 06/01/2003
    • 21:15:36
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Only Teens?

    Your main point is how teens can get injured due to "absence of meaningful safety training, lack of appropriate supervision, and ability to get the job done without going to the supervisor or older co-workers, and failure of employers to recognize hazardous or prohibited work tasks", but don't all these apply to new unexperienced (like you said) workers? Why is this related specifically only to teens and not all inexperienced workers, regardless of age?
    • 05/01/2003
    • 18:14:56
    • Score: 10 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
  • The other side

    I do think that there is another side to this argument. Many of the views that I possess happen to be the exact opposite of the views that I was brought up around (home, school). However, there is the possibility that I was in fact influenced by my environment; I was just influenced to do the exact opposite of everyone around me. Just a little food for thought.
    • 01/01/2003
    • 22:05:04
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • There seems to be a hole in your argument

    I dont really see where that extra hour of sleep that you are talking about comes from. You say that teenagers need to "watch TV, talk to their friends, and run errands after school." Alright, that sounds good. However, if students went to school an hour later, then they would get done an hour later. As a result, afterschool activities, part time jobs, and this "fun" time that you talk about would also start an hour later and end an hour later. So then students would start there homework an hour later and finish it and get ready to go to sleep an hour later than they used to. So where's that extra hour coming from. There is still the same ammount of things to get done in the same 24 hour day. As it appears to me, this appeal only shifts the typical schedule an hour later.
    • 01/01/2003
    • 21:43:18
    • Score: 13 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
  • Not a new phenomenon

    I dont believe that our society will ever "get our values straight." When you look back at history, you realize that this appeal has always existed. 50 years ago people spoke out about how we have become such a materialistic society and have strayed from the old ways. The same is true for 100 years and further back. Still, however, many believe that this is a new phenomenon. While I believe this is an worthy appeal, I recognize how we have always been a materialistic society and how we probably always will be.
    • 01/01/2003
    • 21:30:16
    • Score: 5 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Conclusion

    I agree with BlackMagic316 that this paper needs much more depth. However, I think that something good could come from this assuming a little work is put into it. One of the things that stuck out to me was the fact that you have an opening paragraphy and three paragraphs in the body, but where is your concluding paragraph. I would add a conclusion assuming you develop this into a paper with more depth.
    • 01/01/2003
    • 20:59:59
    • Score: 16 out of 16 people found this comment useful.
  • Might consider analyzing it a little further

    Thought you do bring out some symbolism, the majority of this paper is plot summary. I would focus more on some of the themes in this book and describe just how they were brought out and how they relate back to our lives. For instance: how does man revert back to this savage style illustrated in the book in everyday life?
    • 01/01/2003
    • 20:53:39
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree

    I completely agree with your argument. I can see why many choose to use other drugs that at least pu them into an altered state of mind, but nicotine simply does not do that and it is sometimes more harmful. It just has too many negative effects (smell, staining color of walls) to be able to outweight the almost nonexistant positive effects. I know someone that smokes 2-3 packs a day. His cigarettes cost about $4.50 a pack. Think about that. Thats almost $80 a week. Thats at least a month's worth of gas in one week.
    • 23/11/2002
    • 10:43:35
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Issues

    You give many reasons as to why you think a dress code is a positive thing, but you need more substance to back this up and explain exactly how it will achieve these things instead of just giving a blanket statement. Also, keep in mind that that a dress code will not necessarily put people on the same level. In many instances students that normaly bought more expensive clothes end up buying more expensive clothes that comply with the uniform, while those who did not bought cheaper clothes that complied. Also, in my personal experience I have noticed that a dress code does not make people branch out and start hanging out with new people that might be intersted in the same thing. Without a dress code, most of the people interested in the sames things dress alike so they are friends anyway. Even with a dress code, however, the jocks are still the jocks, the nerds are still the nerds, the skaters are still the skaters, etc. Just keep this in mind.
    • 11/11/2002
    • 19:15:15
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Topic?

    This is an interesting essay, but it doesn't really stay on the topic of computers in education. You might either want to focus it a little more or change it so that it is just a general essay regarding technology.
    • 11/11/2002
    • 16:05:59
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • I completely agree

    This war is not about protecting our country; it never has been. Part of it even goes back to personal grudges. Former President Bush, Saddam Hussein, and Osama Bin Laden used to be involved in an oil company together before former President Bush was even elected. Much of this animosity resulted from bad ties from that oil company and now that animosity is being dealt with at the expense of the American people.
    • 11/11/2002
    • 13:52:27
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • 3rd Person

    Since this is a third person essay, make sure you stay in the third person. In the first paragraph you use the first person (I), but you stay in the third person through the rest of your paper. You might consider changing this.
    • 11/11/2002
    • 00:20:31
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Great Essay

    This was a great essay. You might want to take more of a stance on this issue and provide some sort of resolution to this problem. The conclusion took me off guard while I was wanting more body in the essay. I think this was a good essay, but it could be even greater if you could expand on some of these things.
    • 11/11/2002
    • 00:11:50
    • Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Information

    There was some good information in this essay, but I'm kind of confused by the title. Many of the drugs that you mentioned in this essay are not psychodelic drugs (ie: alcohol). Also, you might consider changing the end. This is an informative unbiased essay until the last paragraph. If this is supposed to be a persuasive essay then you might consider modifying the rest of your essay. Otherwise, I would change the end so that it is not as one-sided. You might want to work on the grammer in the last paragraph as well. I noticed two comma splices in your last sentence.
    • 09/11/2002
    • 13:25:31
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Drinking vs. Being a Father/Mother

    Also note that in most states the legal age to become a father or a mother of a child is around 18. Being a parent is perhaps the greatest responsibility that any person might undertake. If the government is saying that when you turn 18 you are responsible enough to have a child, then you should definately be responsible enough to drink. Drinking is a tiny responsibly when compared to parenting and raising a child and what the government is saying here is that you may be responsible enough to raise a child, but not responsible enough to drink. That is a serious problem.
    • 09/11/2002
    • 12:59:35
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay about Hitler and his life

    This was an excellent essay about Hitler and his life. However, it did not focus much on why exactly Hitler became the man he did. You might want to change your opening paragraph to introduce readers to the fact that you are going to focus on Hitler and his reign.
    • 07/11/2002
    • 23:01:23
    • Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Grammatical Errors

    There are a few grammatical errors that you may want to look at. In the first sentence, "The very esscence of islam is prayer as it is an unique relationship with Allah.", consider removing "as it is" and replacing this with a comma.
    • 07/11/2002
    • 22:52:52
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Informative Essay

    This was a good informative essay. You might consider changing a few grammatical things (ie: Once an individual is infected, and they may not even know it, transmitting it to others is quite simple.) Other than that this was a great essay.
    • 07/11/2002
    • 20:58:27
    • Score: 3 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Comma Splice

    "... and plays a large role on their behavior, to reduce the effects children should be involved in other activities." This contains a comma splice. Consider using a semicolon or dash instead of a comma or separating these clauses into two sentences.
    • 06/11/2002
    • 22:23:20
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Strong Logical Argument

    This is an excellently written paper. You argument is strong and very logical. I liked this one. Only one thing stuck out. You made a reference at the beginning of your paper to a push on campus to stop smoking in the dorms. Your paper later says that smoking should not be stifled, but also it should not interfere with the health and well being of others. Thus, utilitarianism. To uphold this, smokers must be able to smokers, but nonsmokers must be able to abstain from a smoking environment. The campus could establish smoking and nonsmoking dorms, but they should not be required to do this, as that would infrige on their rights. Just a thought.
    • 05/11/2002
    • 22:14:38
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Creative Writing?

    I noticed that this essay was listed as creative writing. I would actually consider this to be more an informative factual essay, but not creative writing. Also, some of the facts may be a little inaccurate. It is true that there are reports of civilizations in South America that chewed marijuana leaves in order to recieve a boost of energy, but current research has proven that THC, the drug found in marijuana, is lipid soluble. Therefore, this drug cannot be ingested unless it is first cooked in a fat or oil that will absord the THC. Simply chewing the leaves of this plant will not produce any desired effects. In addition, marijuana is generally not considered to be a halucinogenic drug.
    • 03/11/2002
    • 15:35:56
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.